First Take!!!

2004-11-11T15:18:00.000+08:00

Here we are now, Entertain Us

4th day of shoot approaching,
It's been a really fun shoot.

Even though sometimes we start late with all the problems and delays,
We still underrun each and every single shoot day.

Phew... Thank God for the scheduling, Me and Chua really sweated it out,
Little sleep worrying about the cast, location and welfare of the crew.

Telecine time has been arranged. Tentatively, it's on the 18th 1am. The next day shoot starts at 8am. Wahhahaha. Need more photos for SFC. Money from them is coming in!

We got some very very funny photos about the cast and crew! Who cares about grades, it's all love, life and friendship. If you can't even learn a little about production, how to play your role properly, then you shouldn't be in here at all, waste space.

All's going well, if this spec turns out good, we'll be on our way. If not try harder when we're out there. Its all about the passion, whether or not you can stand up to it. Even in post. Thats a main ingredient in this line. Try now.

Listening to... Construction

2004-11-03T01:09:00.000+08:00

You only know how to shift the blame to those who wronged you
You only know how to walk away from your problems
You are selfish to play such games with my mind
You want people to pay full attention to you while you ignore them
You scold me for your own faults
You're a LIAR for all the lies you told me
You're nothing but an insensitive person who doesn't care about others
You make use of me so that you can feel better

To think that I actually believed that you would change for the better

2004-10-23T02:06:00.000+08:00

i know of a person...

who only knows how to hurt me
who lies to get her goals achieved
who acts that she's a queen
who thinks she's right all the time
who doesn't care for anyone else
who play mind games to confuse me
who rather put the blame on me
who tries to put me down so that she feels better about herself
who uses me for her own selfish goals
who puts me down for helping her
who slams me for encouraging her
who is so blind to take me for granted
who hurts the one who love her most

Only you know

2004-10-01T01:00:00.000+08:00

Praise God!

This is a prayer to Jesus...

Dear Lord,

Thank You Father for everything in my last 20 years. I thank You for all that You've done. I thank You Lord for the miracles in my life. Father I pray for Your forgiveness for both me and Valz. She's the best birthday gift to me from anyone in my life. I thank You for Your plan to send us together. I pray that You give us one more chance to get this relationship right before You. I am willing to take the step. Will You help her? Thank You Lord for all that You've done. The times that I doubted You, the times that I've chosen to stay away from You. You still remain with me.

Hebrews 13:5 - Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Lord, all I ask for is that You lead both Me and Valz to be right before Your eyes. To be pure and truth-seeking before You. To chase after You no matter what happens to us. I thank You Father for the wonders of Your works and miracles. Help us Lord to lead a life that is right before Your eyes. Thank You Lord once again for all that You've done for me and Valz. I look forward to more of Your everlasting love. I lay all my worries unto Your hands and I pray that it will not happen to either me or Valz. Thank You Father for everything. In Jesus' most precious and Holy name... Amen.

Listening to... Peace

2004-09-29T22:48:00.000+08:00

Redemption

The Potter's Hand

Beautiful Lord, wonderful Savior
I know for sure,
All of my days are
Held in Your hand.

Crafted into Your perfect plan

You gently called me,
Into Your presence
Guiding me by,
Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord

To Live all of my life,
through Your eyes,

I'm captured by Your Holy calling,
set me apart, I know You're drawing
Me to Yourself

Lead me Lord I pray

Take me,
Mould me,
Use me,
Fill me,

I give my life to the Potter's hand

Call me,
Guide me,
Lead me,
Walk beside me,

I give my life to the Potter's hand

Forgive me O Lord, for I've have sinned. The temptation was hard. My flesh is weak. But my spirit cries out for a second chance. Forgive us Father. There are actions we shouldn't have done but done. There are things which we should have done yet undone. Forgive us and teach us Father how to make it right. Help us Lord. All my worries, I place them unto Your hands Jesus. Thank You. Amen...

This song just came up in my head while I was thinking about everything that bugs me. I don't know why, but i just picked up the guitar and started playing. Took me a while to figure how to play it properly. Valz you might be busy, you might think I worry too much, you might think it's unnecessary but right from the start I wanted this relationship to be on God's will and law. So lets maintain it that way? :)

God be my strength and the lamp unto my feet to guide me against the dangers I face. Peace be with you who reads this...

Listening to...(Playing actually...) The Potter's Hand

2004-09-27T14:05:00.000+08:00

Negative Creep!!

Finished the shoot with the yayas, Chee @#$, pansies, bastard and jackass. Pretty screw up when Honky came down. Lol anyway it was fun except for the high cost. Seems like we all can work except we incur too much cost. One of the yayas has gone yaya. Ate chicken rice on the trolley in the middle of the road and ate on a few bugs while in the act. Lucky he didn't came charging at us with all the chocolate syrup in red colouring.

Dawn of the dead.

It looked like a scene in the remake of Dawn of the dead that I watched earlier this year with Jo Jh and the bottomless pit. Dark tunnel, bloody walls and floor, cue the zombie in red stained shirt doing the chicken walk, ALL IN SLOW MOTION GLORY! You get the idea.

Raihan attempted to charge the camera by putting his finger into the camera power input and throwing a fit. Has he even completed NS? He said he has some scars from it. Muahuahua

Ya ya zombie ate ice cream on the way back to a shower. He sure got a lot of stares. The ambulance driver stopped by but didn't bother to pick him up. ANyway... a hell of a trouble happened later with men in plains clothes (Roadsweepers, Civil servants, Me, You, E.t.c.)

Oh! Bicycles should not be fitted with motors! Damn annoying! From Bastard. He scolded the hell out of one of the cyclist. The echoes are ringing in my ears.

Stopwtch and trolley olympics...

Best times goes to 0.8ms - Abu Bakar (Gold) 2nd Xu and Harun (0.9ms)
Most accurate 3 second stopping - Kuan (Gold) Chua & Harun tied
Most beautiful bloody makeup - Ahmad
Coolest brusies in the history of mankind - abu bakar
Best performance as a bloody zombie walking around a district - actor
Worst act of getting a battery charge - Harun
Best award for being the crippled paedophile - The actor himself.
Best stepdad in a cameo - Harun
Worst bapak - Harun
Illegitimate child of the year - One too many to count!
Best cry scene - Actor

Thats all folks

Stupid IS. AT least OCC is a little fun to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Listening to... OCC - Willie Hsu

2004-09-17T02:11:00.000+08:00

For the wages of sin is death...

In Christ I stand

I just want you to know.
I'm sorry for all that is done.
I wish it didn't happen at all.
I pray that God will forgive us.
I pray that we start anew.
I pray that we will stop.
I will hold on to my committment.
To you and to my stand.
We don't need that in our relationship.
I just want you to know.
Just being with you is enough
I could spend an eternity without it,
than a day without you.

Heavenly Father,
You have complete control over us, Lord. I pray that You forgive us Father for all the sins that we committed. I pray that You wash us Lord, whiter than the snow, than the snow. Forgive both me and Valz Lord. I pray for a favourable outcome Lord and that all will be well. I pray that You help us fight against this temptation and guide us on the path that is narrow. Lord, a christian life is not a bed of roses, I pray that You help us both. Truly Father if not for You we wouldn't have met each other. I pray that Lord, You continue to lead us and use us to glorify Your holy name. Forgive us Lord, forgive us Father. Thank You Father. I pray that all will be fine. In Jesus' most precious and holy name, Amen.

Listening to... Quietness

2004-09-15T21:37:00.000+08:00

You are

Abba Father, You are worthy
All the praises and all the glory
There is none like You
You are holy and
I will give You all
All the glory to Your name

Abba Father, You are worthy
All the praises and all the glory
There is none like You
You are holy and
I will give You all
All the glory to Your name

And You worthy Lord no matter how I feel
And I will worship You because I know that You are real
You are the mighty God
You are the King of Kings
Let all that is within me bless Your holy name

I just love this song. Thank You Jesus for Your forgiveness upon all man. Amen.

Listening to... You Are - Sonic Edge Band

2004-09-13T22:17:00.000+08:00

Prayer is the most powerful weapon

Sigh... i guess everytime that I'm scared, i will pray. Anything that I'm worried for... I will pray.
God will listen and answer. He will gives us the chance to mend the wrong. I pray for a favourable result in all the errors that we both made. I pray that we will correct the wrongs. I pray that God will help us. I pray that He will be glorified in our lives. God will help us both. Let us be a useful servant to His will and calling. Let us exalt Him upon His throne. Let us pray for forgiveness and a chance to mend our wrongdoings. Father gives us this one and only chance. In Jesus name, Amen.

Listening to... Silence

2004-09-07T20:20:00.000+08:00

Attack of the dental treatments

Ok. Went for my root canal treatment yesterday. Was damn scared of the whole thing. I reported to the clinic at 9pm sharp. So hanged out awhile before I was called into the room. Saw some articles for root canal treatment. Was kinda frightened.

Anyway entered the room. The dentist first put an alcohol soaked cotton wool onto my gums. I asked him what is it for. He promptly replied that it's the numb the gums. I kinda of figured probably he'll start drilling. Who knows, he whipped out a syrgine thats about 30cm long.

I almost fainted! My mind was like @#$%^&*&^%$#@#$%^&**&^%$#@#!!!! wt*!!! F%^K!!!!
Shit!!! What kind of mess I ended up with!

Anyway I left the room 45mins later. Numb all over my right cheek. You know the rest :)

Today's media law was quite fun. Tutorial at least. Anyway had a major discussion with Papertale and the auditions are kinda settled. Everyone's main concern is the lack of auditionees, yet there was one happy fellow there who worried of too many auditionees at the auditions. Kaos...

Headed to Sim Lim with Chua to buy the tapes for the auditions. Played a little Mortal Kombat before we headed for dinner and did some window shopping for games. I was kinda updating myself over the games that are released. Must save up some money. Buying a game special to Valz. *winks*

Alright, hope that my tooths are fine. Have another appointment on thursday.

Yeah... how long must you pay for it...

Listening to... In My Place - Coldplay

2004-09-05T22:35:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the hotel...

Been very very busy with work lately. It seems that I can never get a rest these days. Sigh... hopefully I can make it.

Watched The FULL MONTY saturday. Damn nice show. Must watch again. have yet to watch Unbreakable. Dammit!

Afp went well. Was kinda of surprised that a lot people commented that the music suited the film. Personally I think it sucks! Haha... anyway 1 project down. 2 more to go. Wait is it 2? or 3? or 4? Haha lost count.

iTunes is in a good mood today. Playing all my favourite songs. Most of you guys won't like them anyway. Must been emo for AFP project 2. If I going to compose again. Then can emo all the way with chua's film. Muahhahahaha! Here we are now, entertain us!

Thank you for reading. 1 more month before I lose my teen status. Angsty sia. Need more angst. Then all my creativity will flow. Muahahha. Ok emo...

Still going strong dear, still going strong between us. Time to time we may lose some of it, but renew constantly. Muacks! I love you.

Listening to... Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

2004-08-19T11:45:00.000+08:00

I am selfish

After you brought me to your church. After all the time I spent trying to settle down. After knowing the people there. You just want to leave me there alone.

I'm selfish. How much I wanted you to stay. But in every conversation we have I get slammed back by you as you make your stand. I've had enough. You have your own life. Take your own path. But for my sake please don't leave. How I longed to be with you in the same church to worship God. Now that desire is no longer there. If you want to leave, anything that I say or do will not stop you at all. I give up on you. I told you I got the power to have a say. I don't want to say what I want to... but it seems that the whole relationship is dying off. I gave you my all, you repeatedly went all out to hurt me. Time after time i stayed by you when you are feeling your lowest. Now all I want is you to stay. Is that so hard? Don't ever compare us to others! But still if you want to leave I cannot do anything at all. I won't force you. I'll try to compromise.

But know that it's becoming harder and harder to love you as the days pass. I will still try, but I don't know how long it takes before this love is killed off. Don't wait till I've done that... Do your part to save us. I've almost given up hope already.

I really love you very much. I just don't want it to end... sobz. I really don't want it to end...

Listening to... You Know You're Right - Nirvana

2004-08-18T11:48:00.000+08:00

I found the wronged the love i'm looking for

The Scientist - Coldplay

Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't how lovely you are...

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
Ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

I'm going back to the start...

I want to go back to the beginning with God back into the picture...

Listening to... The Scientist - Coldplay

2004-08-17T21:35:00.000+08:00

whats the point of living?

I try to help you. I try to make it easy for you to understand. I try to help you understand. I try to meet you. I try to compromise when you say so. I try to change what you don't like. I try and try, yet you still do this to me... whats the rubbish of experience? this is not a game! I'm doing my part to keep it going, but i fall at times. Do you stab me where it hurts most when i'm down? I try to hear you out all the time. I try my best to stay out of your work. I try my best to give you freedom. And you say all these... I'm confused, I'm hurt. I'll probably sleep with a broken heart, hungry without dinner.

I can blame Him for doing all these to me, but it's between the 2 of us. we can try to make it past this obstacle, or stumble at it and call it quits. I'm ready to jump over this obstacle and leave it behind, will you give me a peace of mind? Lets work it out between us, i will make my effort to change, i still want to be myself, but i want you to be happy. I'm very afraid of making mistakes towards you, I can't do this, I can't do that. I want to be free with you, to do what I'm comfortable with you. If you can do your personal habits in front of me, why can't i do mine? It's all about balance. I'm not slamming you, i'm stating my point. I just hope you understand. I never ever once mind that you are like this you are like that. It's ur heart that matters most to me. Now u turn that against me... whats the point of me living?

My life is cheap to you. Money is everything. It can buy you all in the world. It can buy you recording time, it can buy u happiness with ur friends. I'm just there for you to slam back when i try to help you. Everytime when i'm down, you're worried. Now ur down, angry, I can't worry about u? when you are angry, it's obvious you are angry with me... when i try to hold you, you push me away... i feel so confused. what am i supposed to do? I'm not the best. I'm just part of the crap that lives ard.

I just want to make things better... lets pass these obstacles 1 by 1...

i still love you...

Listening to... Peaceful silence

2004-08-10T23:12:00.000+08:00

Ouch!

Ok now that I'm once again in the mood for blogging. Been very emo lately. Not because of probelms with Valz. It's just me stressed out too much. Sometimes you've reached a point where you are so tired with what you are doing and just want to laze around doing nothing. Unfortunately, I tried to juggle Monday doing work and some R&R. Now feels even worse.

Anyway I'm looking for a dentist. My tooth needs a root canal treatment. In case you guys didn't know what it is, it's basically in layman terms, drilling into the core of the tooth, scrape out the infected nerves and then refilling it back up. Done! So I need a cheaper dental surgeon. Anyway I got news that I can go for it so... just waiting for a cheap and good 1. Typical Singaporean, what to do... need to provide for AFP and Specialist. I think must go sell backside liao...

Anyway, great I'm the DP again for AFP. So hopefully this time the lighting will be better. During telecine, Leonard said that everything was fine except that the lighting was inconsistent. So this time must make the job well done. Hopefully no screw-ups. Thankfully the rest of the crew was quite happy with the result. Must read up more...

So anyways, thanks to my dear, for being with me during this 2 days of emo-ness from me. Guess sometimes, I learn things the hard way when it's too late. Lets hope I'm still fine with God. Must start getting back to church. Looking forward to Sunday. Think I can make it.

Feel a bit uneasy though, the tooth has been giving me problems. Hopefully I'll be able to clear most of the stuff this week and then head to the dental clinic in peace next week. Have lots of battles to fight. Can't lose to sleep. Chiong ah...

Honey I love you! Muacks!

Listening to... Battle - Blur

2004-08-09T20:14:00.000+08:00

Things happen...

Been long since I've updated. Been real busy. Sigh...

I miss you dear... I just don't know why I miss you so much. The flower you gave me is still here, though it's not too good looking since the day you gave it to me. I still hold on to it. I just miss you presence. I enjoyed the time yesterday, even though my tooth really ached. I still thank you for encouraging me after visiting the dentist today even though I got really bad news. Sigh... I wished you were here with me. I wish the day will come. Thank you dear... I'm still deciding what to do with the tooth. I hope I won't regret and you won't mind my decision. Sigh... I love you valz... thank you for loving me... when I think about how we first met... muacks

Listening to... You Had Me From Hello - Bon Jovi

2004-08-02T21:55:00.000+08:00

Mark It!

Ok been some time since I last blogged. Been very busy with a lot of stuff especially AFP. Was the DP for the whole project. Spent the whole of wednesday, thursday, friday and saturday busy with the shoot.

Went through so much! Anyway leaving out the details cos it's pointless to trash them out. Maybe I'll just type them out as I go along.

Unloaded the equipment to Shamir's house. Got Robin to help us out. Great guy with a great lorry. Drives somewhat like Kenny though. Lucky to still be alive! Anyway thankfully got Jonathan and Aaron down for the shoot. If not I really don't know how to finish lighting the whole thing in time. Phew! Leonard's feedback is quite encouraging though I don't know how it will turn out on film. Also had a scare when the film counter didn't move and the film came out. Thankfully it didn't spaghetti!

Headed to Sonic Fest on saturday after helping Shamir restore his house. Most of the stuff was already back in place so it was an easy task.
Saw Gloria's set. Pretty cool! Especially Once In September and Kill The Pollution. Sky In Euphoria was great too. Maybe should buy their album and check it out!

Anyway watched The Return with Valz. Quite a nice show. Pretty simple storyline yet very fulfilling. Except it leaves the audience to interpret some things in the show.

Anyway kinda of tired now. Gotta go!

Honey thanks for the flower. I didn't expect you to buy it! It's pretty lovely. And the suprise too. Guess we managed to suprise each other yesterday! Muacks! I love you!

Listening to... Red - Gloria

2004-07-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

Ready...

Quite an exciting two days. Started off with test on monday for OCC. Followed the age old tradition of whack and confuse your lecturer with your OWN answer to the question. Lol... anyway just whack lor...

Read thru the script... seems like it's quite a good read. Think what is lacking is just the time to meet with Marc and confirm it. Must hurry. No time no time! Not even for Laos. La la~~~

Anyway, Medialaw is quite fun. Beginning to sink into it especially I dunno whats going on for the past 2 lectures and tutorial. So must work harder. Need to get the book though. Lydia when are you free? I really need it from you. ASAP. Hopefully can fix a time to get from you.

Oh ya! Chua did something damn funny but I thot was damn dangerous for the specialist group. Anyway the lecturer and him cleared things up and both were happy parties for the respect given to each other. Phew... lucky he didn't get suspended.

Today was quite a reflective day. Talked to quite a number of ppl regarding some points of views here and there. I just hope that what they say I'll reflect on... and also trust God on them.

Had AFP rehearsal today. Quite good. The male actor turned out to be one of the actors that I worked before for a chinese drama for CH 8. Anyway the female talent is really screamish! Ultra high pitch and a lot of vulgarities. Noise pollution! But then have to keep her happy. So no choice but to shut up. Grr... Hopefully everything will go well for the shoot.

Anyway changed my plan! Now it's incoming free ALL day. And 500 free sms. Yay! Can talk non stop liao! Still the same number so no frets...

Come to think of it... Valz. I'm guilty of doing things that hurt you. Like forgetting your birthday. I'm sorry... I really didn't mean to... Even the time on sunday when you just walk off. I always kept you in my sight. I more or less knew where you were walking. I just somehow knew. Maybe God is telling me, maybe it's just my intuition. I dunno. But I see it as God is telling me. He'll always be with you. Unlike me. I might die anytime. But you never ever left my sight at all. You really broke my heart with what you said on saturday, but sunday I hope what God has done for you thru your prayers will strengthen your faith in Him. I'll continue to pray for you... I can lend u my shoulder, cry together with you. Just be fulfilled with what happens in your life and He'll satisfy your desires. Great is the measure of our Father's love.

Anyway real tired now. Gotta sleep. All the best for your trip to Laos guys. Take care. Kinda of early to say now... but then again... better early.

Gotta go now Bye bye

Listening to... Our Last Summer - Abba

2004-07-23T03:04:00.000+08:00

Phew!

Finished by AFP work as a DP. Must say it's quite stressful as I have to really visualise the shots in my head and then also count the time myself in my head. Guess nothing easy in filmmaking. Anyway it's not that I'm complaining, maybe just tired. Anyway went to school today to watch Photograph. Quite ok... G-23 was better in my opinion. Then again films are subjective. Nothing too interesting about Daryl Yap except he got 32 ADs. Anyway whats the use of grades if you can't even find a job outside. This is an experience based industry. Of course grades will ensure you of getting a job, but if you are unable to do the job required of you, then it's just a piece of pretty paper.

Went to have dinner with Valz at the Nasi Lemak shop just beside NUS. Talked quite a lot about how this whole relationship is going about. Quite a fruitful talk.

Dear, I still love you as much as I do ever since we were together. I'm sometimes disappointed but yet I do not see it as your negative point. I might not be all that understanding at times, I sometimes feel very cheated at certain things you do. But despite all the hurting, I will still come back to you. I just hope you understand that... and don't take me for granted all the time. I will sooner or later drop dead tired. I just hope that we'll find time for ourselves. I don't object to what you said, I can understand that. I'm not that dumb :) . Sometimes it's not that I don't want to listen to you complain to me, it's just that when I'm tired and I want to spend some time with you I just don't want to see you and listen to you say those things. I'm beginning to feel very tired, I hope you pray for me... I just hope that my love for you and God will carry burning, even brighter throughout the days. I will try to understand you more, please do the same for me and met my needs. I know you can do so, I know you understand. I always said I will wait for you. I haven't broken it yet. I still love you despite all the pain... :'0)

Again I stand, Lord I stand against a faceless man

Maybe I'm insecure... but I will face it and change from it to trust you and love you even more Valz... I'm sorry...

Listening to... Faceless Man - Creed

2004-07-22T12:31:00.000+08:00

Get the C - stand!

Ok super tiring week. Monday was IS day. WISP sucks big time. Was really amused when Esther sent me the powerpoint for WISP presentation named I HATE WISP! lol... Finished my ITP report at 4am. Hopefully it's ok. Super blur with the start of the sem. Maybe still can't adapt back. I still feel very tired, like still have not enough rest.

WISP
It was a horrible class. You get bad pronounciation everywhere from the business people. Things like "there must be a Com Promise" and just plain bad english. It was pure comedy.

Anyway had lunch with Valz before heading for Online Comm. Another great IS lesson. Imagine learning what are colours in year 3. Zzz... but thankfully Willie is a fun lecturer. Decided on the grouping so it's done for now.

Had specialist meeting later. Pretty quick one since the script is almost finalised. Marc is pretty happy with it so we spent most of the remainder time talking about the previous year and about their attitude. Seems like we're the batch to make a difference.

Went to watch Mean Girls with Valz. Quite an ok show. Typical school girl kind of film. Nothing too interested like SFX and camera movement. Still quite an ok show with some jokes. Thinking of watching I, Robot. Sometimes the genre of apocalyptic sci fi really interests me. Especially The Matrix. I don't see why people hate Reloaded and Revolutions. It just really makes you think more about the world after watching the show. What if everything around you isn't real? Then what is real? Is that air that you're breathing? In this world of ours, we see how confused we are. Is there truly an image we can strive towards? There is one! But like The Matrix, no one can be told what it is, you have to experience it yourself. Hallelujah!

Tuesday
Media law. Teo Yi Ling. Went to class with Alf. Met him at the bus stop at home. Seems like we both agreed that we will somehow be late. So... upon alighting, we walked faster to the LT. Rushed into class... KNN... she just kept talking without a care in the world that she hate latecomers.

So thats the day for lecture. Tutorial she literally blew up. With estates not giving her a room to teach.

Anyway headed to recce at Shamir's place with Raihan and Shamir. Quite nice the place. So it's settled.

Wednesday
Exppro. Rushed to class. Amazingly met Alf again. This time he's in post pro. Marc isn't going to be happy. Anyway we took 985. It was quite smooth riding UNTIL lornie. JAM!!! At first ERP showed slow traffic up to Clementi. Then the next board showed MASSIVE JAM. Alf was like wah jam until Thailand. Anyway when we alighted, rushed to classes. Stoned in Exppro. But it was quite a fun class. Maybe I'm too tired.

Went to recce at Shamir's place. Got everything settled. Need to work on the paperwork.
Went to Valz place for dinner. She's cooking! Bought her 3 roses since the last 1 I bought had withered away. Anyway... was so tired that I slept at her place. Then woke up and went home... No life at all... work on AFP on the bus ride home.

Thursday
Well today. Typed all this. Just finished the shot list and photoboard. Just need to put them on word into a story board format. Also the overhead floor plan. Then everything should be settled liao. Yay! Hopefully can finish soon. But considering I have 17 shots, I need 17 overhead floor plans. So thats a drag...

I'm sorry Valz... that i reacted the way yesterday. I'm tired and stressed. It's not that I have some spilt personality or what. I just feel that you don't even show a trace of care and concern for me at all. All the things that I do for you, you seem so nonchalant about it. It really makes me feel hurt. Sometimes I really wonder... I still love you, thats why I didn't board that bus, thats why I bought those flowers. But sometimes I wonder do you? Maybe its just me, thinking too much. I don't mean to do that, it's not that I don't trust you. I just need some reassurance. I'm tired, after all the travelling, all the work. But I always tell myself, being with you, praying to God before we dine in, spending time with you, is my rest. It doesn't matter what happens to me, whats important is that you be happy. I'm sorry for thinking this way... you might think that I don't love you anymore, but I'm really tired at times. I love you even more with each passing day. I know that you do... but there is a small part in my heart that says you might not... it's just me... I just hope that you will learn as much as possible from me in FSV. There might not be any chance left to learn. I need to rise up. This is the chance for me to do so. I think I can make it well this semester. Who says it's impossile to juggle studies with relationships. I'll prove them wrong. I just need to sleep less thats all. It all boils down to time management. It not like I'm damn free to wander around. I got advanced film I got Medialaw, I got specialist to do. Just Specialist will completely drain me of life. But yet, I hold on to my belief that I can make it with you in the picture. I sometimes don't want to do your work. It's your work, not mine. I've been through those things, you haven't. I hope you learn from it. I don't really like it when I'm treated like a toy, to be used and thrown away. How do you think I feel when someone invites me over and after dinner just asks me to leave? This is just an example but it can be very true. I might be overly sensitive, but it's not that I have no feelings. I'm human... I seek God for help, for His wisdom. I just hope we will stay together as long as possible.
I love you still despite all the crap you throw at me. But do you? I know you do... :'0)
Flowers are only temporary, but its the thought that is forever, I love you Valz...

Listening to... P.S. I Love You - The Beatles

2004-07-17T01:59:00.000+08:00

A Whisper...

I wish it was all a dream
That I could just wake up without any troubles
I wish that you weren't in that dream
That you won't be hurt

I know it's all my fault
I know somehow deep within my thoughts
I was never angry with you
I just wanted to nudge you on

I never wanted to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy
Forgive me for being insecure
I love you even more

Be jealous with me
Hold on to me as tight as possible
Guard me with your heart
I will stay with you

Praise Him for us resolving problems
Praise God for His everlasting love
I wish I could show the same unconditional love to you
But I'm only human

I could sacrifice all for you
I really could do that
I just want you to be my happy girl
I will try even harder to love you

It's not that I don't show concern
It's that I don't know what to say
It's because I'm afraid
that you will just leave

Money is nothing
You are everything
Second to Christ Jesus
We belong to Him alone

I pray that you will seek Him more
I pray that you will love Him more
It's not that I don't trust you
It's because I love you

Work is important to us
So don't neglect it
I will wait for you
Because you've done the same for me

I share your hurt
I share your pain
I cry when you cry
Don't feel defeated

Don't you ever know
That there will be one boy
Who will be so selfless
Just to love you?

Look at life more cheerfully
Know that people love you
Don't cry, I'll just pray that
God put a smile on your face

Listening to... God Put A Smile On Your Face - Coldplay

2004-07-16T01:10:00.000+08:00

Grr...

What a day. Have to rush exppro this morning. Luckily finished the roll of film. Camera wasn't that lucky. Pistol grip jammed, the turret lock came off. Basically I have to carry the camera all the time with the grip. Damn freakin heavy. Hopefully something appears on the film.

Brought the camera to cage for Shukor's Tender Loving Care. Told him that I wanted to hammer the pistol grip lock free (those who know the Bolex will understand). Shukor replied that if I did that he'll hammer me. Xian joined in the laughs.

Got to know more about Xian. Anyway... unloaded the film in the changing bag. Pretty easy. Passed the camera to Elwin. Rushed home.

Did some revision for Final Theory Test. Went to take it at Queenstown NPC with Valz. Darn got 3 wrong. Hopefully I pass...
Both of us headed to Tiong Bahru market to makan. Yummy! Bought a lot of food. Fried oyster with egg, hokkien mee, chee kueh, dessert. I could go on eating forever. Too good to be true!

Burp!

I don't shun you at all. Silly girl. I'm tired... and sometimes I have my limits. If I'm not tired, I can tolerate anything you throw, but when I'm tired... you know lah...
I just hope u learn that I'm not ur servant or what. Don't take me for granted... I love you.

Listening to... Celestial - P.O.D.

2004-07-15T00:15:00.000+08:00

Ahem!

Wanted to type a lot one. But since I've already spoke to Valz about it. I guess I can leave it out. Keep it between us.

Anyway a continuation of the earlier blog. Got a stoning from EXPPRO today. Catch no ball. It's too experimental for my mind. Or I'm too mundance. Nevertheless, I must rise up to the occasion and deliver.

Ok the stuff. Had a small production meeting. But before that... met Valz at SIM smelly side! Super happy! Even though I was carrying the bloody bolex... so heavy... but can train on strength.

Anyway had the meeting... Chua bought pizza for the crew. Ate 1 slice. The rest of the memebers filtered in soon. We were presented our findings then. Kinda of relieved that some memebers did do their recce. Phew... i was kinda of expecting nothing to come out of it. Producer got a scare.

Anyway I scheduled another recce with Chua on saturday so that we could finish our work tml. Dwelt at SIM with Sheng and Kelvin and somehow the topic of homosexuality came into the discussion. Stuff you'll never know about some of the lecturers in FSV. We 3 concluded that Chin Boo is the happiest of the bunch and the most normal fella. However, FSV is so weird that when you put Chin Boo, the only normal guy in, he's the weird one.
Stuff like that going on... with more and more of the staff going into the picture.

Anyway went home at 3 to load up the film for EXPPRO. managed to load the film without much trouble. Had to turn my room into a darkroom to load the film. Hopefully it's ok. Kinda of cool the bolex. Envy Shamir for owning 1. Shucks. Anyway, loaded the cam and went out to shoot. Didn't know what to shoot and didn't want to be lazy like shooting in ur room. So took about 4 secs worth of the sun with clouds covering it. Can use it for film. Hopefully they turn out good, cos I can't meter properly and have to do spot metering instead. Tolong ah... I just wanna do well for EXPPRO and realise my artistic expression. Tml is driving final theory test. Better revise before I sleep... pray to God for me... thanks for whoever you are... shalom!

Dear Lord, thank You for everything, even though everyday is impossible without Sin, You still remained by my side. I pray that You help me with my struggles, even for Valz... You gave us this trial, this test. I hope that we will glorify You as we go about this testing. I pray that she understands that what she us going through is by Your will. Thank You Lord for everything that You have done and You've been faithful to the both of us all the time. I pray that we both will be faithful to You as we carry on each day together, not forgetting Your love to us. I pray that tomorrow the test will be smooth and we both will pass it. Thank You Jesus...In Jesus most precious and holy name... Amen!

Listening to...Sacred Love - Sting

2004-07-14T20:12:00.000+08:00

Stress!

Ok... one thing at a time. Firstly got specialist meeting on monday. Quite a good one actually with Marc. Settled quite a lot of things and what needs to be advanced.

WISP is super boring. Damn got presentation to do. Have to rush the paper work with my group members. OCC also got work to do. Have to form group liao. For final project.

Anyway tuesday... medialaw. Went into the class with Bobby. Turns out that we are on the same bus. So enter together lor. Anyway quite a lecture. All the law terms popping out. Plaintiff, defendant, accused, etc...
Medialaw tut. also quite fun though a bit too noisy.

Went to specialist recce after the tut. Rally with Khalif before we headed to woodlands mrt to meet chua. Darn rain, almost spoilt the whole recce. Walked form Woodlands MRT all the way to Yishun. Quite ok...except was hungry on the way to yishun. Good thing Chua found what he wanted. He seems quite happy with the location. Now to wait for him to confirm whether he wants the location before I ask for clearance. I personally felt the place looked like Infernal Affairs. Wu Jian Dao! 3 of us had a good laugh over that.

Oh ya! Over at Yishun we challenged each other to see who can reach the rooftop area of the carpark first. Khalif took the stairs while Chua and I used the carpark ramp all the way up to the top. Turns out that Khalif stumbled upon a couple *ahem* doing the thing... somemore both Indian... So after the scouting at the rooftop, I lead the way to sneak on the couple again... too bad, they left already... or else can capture some indian porno... hehee!!!

Anyway after the recce the 3 of us headed to North Point. Been a long time since I went there having stayed in Yishun for almost 16 years. Played some arcade with them. Daytona was fun! Got first for both rounds! :) Hopefully driving will be that easy!

Anyway... gotta rack my brains for EXPPRO. Hopefully I get something experimental...Sigh..

Listening to... Thunder

2004-07-12T22:37:00.000+08:00

Allo!

Had a super boring WISP class today. Real sleeper. Zzz... Anyway got work to do liao. Presenting next week. Must prepare for it. Anyway online comm is also fun. Had quite a good lesson. Quite interesting. Willie was his usual self.

Anyway had specialist meeting later. Met Marc for meeting. Script is more or less settled. Just need some rewriting. Think it's quite ok. Ending is also settled. Should be ok.

Nothing much to type. Anyway will type more recaps next time busy.

Listening to... Talking to Valz

2004-07-10T01:46:00.000+08:00

Smells Like Teen Spirit

Whoa... today was a cool day. Had advance film. Didn't watch Apocalypse Now though. Had better stuff to talk about. Leonard was giving out so muhc pointers that the whole class almost turn off and sleep. Learnt a lot about film stock, taking light reading, e.t.c. Ah... film. Love it. Thinking of experimenting lots of things now. Muahhaha!

Here We Are Now, Entertain Us!

Went thru the pitch. Damn nervous but I think I calmed down at the major part. Using Jonathan as an example on how I will light the film. DP! yay! First time. Gonna try my best to apply all that I've learnt in Mediacorp on this shoot. Must do some read up too. Also must buy the Filmmakers' Handbook. Need to look for production assistants soon. Really need some labour to help me for shoot. No gaffer/grip to help me at all. Siao, how am I gonna push the dolly, roll cam, pull focus, and put my eye in the viewfinder all at the same time?

I Was Stupid, And Contagious!

Headed over to Geylang with Valz and her friend. Did their recce while I just tag along to take a look around at Geylang. Quite fruitful. Hehe... had great food. Frogs Leg porridge! Durains! Wanted to have more but quite full... burp. Anyway also did some loc scouting for my specialist but I just thought it didn't really tally to the scenes in the script. Anyway kinda of excited over specialist. Hehe...

A Denial, A Denial!

MP3 player seems to be in a good mood. Playing the tunes I like. Especially Nirvana! Muahhaha!

Listening to... Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

2004-07-09T11:14:00.000+08:00

Time out

Quite a week. Didn't expect it to be so tiring. Maybe it'e becos of a lack of proper sleep or sleep too much. Got EXPPRO to do. Gotta rack my head for ideas. Got Online Comm to do. Maybe start tomorrow. DP for AFP yay! Exciting. Dunno whether will turn out good or not. Have to start training up. Holding the SRII is no joke. Hopefully get more outdoor shoots. Can tan a bit. Somemore no need lights only bring polyfoam and reflector. Maybe a sungun. Hee...

Valz returned me RICE by Su Tong. Think she finally gave up reading it. I haven't started reading it. Recommended by Jurgen though. Cost $3 at popular. Real cheap thats why I bought it. Borrowed 28 Days Later from Fairuz. Clearing out my downloaded movies with the ones I bought. Slowly... no point keeping them in the external harddisk when no one wants them and I don't have time to watch. Still got some in there though.

28 Days Later...

Quite a nice film. It was shot almost entirely on DV though it looks like film. Canon XL 1 somemore. Learnt quite a lot from the whole show in terms of producing and filming. How on earth do you empty London? Shoot in the early hours and use HMIs or 2k lights to brighten up the place. Also becos it's video, who cares about balancing light? Just white balance it to what you want or better still color correct in post. Sometimes when I think about it, why so pro about film? It's old, it takes a lot of time to prepare the shot, you must color correct it before you shoot, it cost so much... blah blah blah. But the beauty of film is that the final picture looks so beautiful. No video in the world can come close to it. Period. I still prefer Dawn Of The Dead though...

Wonder what will happen to us after 28 days... Maybe more backstabbing, more ignoring of friends? Bonds strengthen? Death?

Anyway watched Super Size Me with Valz yesterday. Damn hungry during the show. The fella was eating everything Mac in his diet. So you have Big Breakfast in the morning, 2 Chesseburger meal in the afternoon, and a Big Mac meal in the evenings. Add in the option to super size (up size in our context just a lot bigger) the meal... whoa, one super size meal is enough to last us asians for a day. But when you think about it whats the point of Macdonalds? They are out to get your money, they don't care whether do you get healthy after the food or not. Well the food is healthy to some extend but it's still dangerous to be eating Macs almost every single week. Both our stand of Macdonalds took an almost 180 degree turn. We eat foodcourt food after the show even though Macdonalds seem tempting. Hee hee...

The Mcattack
I'm having the Mcsleep, the mcsweat, mctummyache, the mcsugar in my blood, the mcshit later, oh ya the mcturk as a lecturer.

I'm a big mac enthusiast

It's not whether you turn fat eating fastfood. It's about controlling yourself. Thats what the show preaches. Oh Ya! Big Macs don't turn you fat. You can still survive eating 9 a day with no health problems whatsoever. One guy ate close to 20k and is still within normal body weight.

Ok have to leave for school.

Listening to... Spider-man on TV

2004-07-07T22:31:00.000+08:00

Yawn

Quite a tiring week. Maybe becos I'm still unwell. Really wasting too much energy. Sometimes there are stuff which you don't want to think about yet you are constantly reminded of. I don't know about some of you guys, but there has been a void in this course of life.

Year Three, is there any fun in it? Time is of the essence. That is the main message that is being preached. AFP, EFP, CAM & LIGHT. Do these modules fulfill the very gap you experience? Or is there something you long for? Sometime I hate when there are so many things to do, so little time to rest. Who doesn't wish to just laze around and stone just staring blank? Hopefully, rest is what I can get enough everyday.

Anyway AFP is already quite stressful. Got news that Marlon Brando died. Seems like quite a long time but the guys were talking about it. Talk about homage! We're gonna watch Apocalyspe Now on friday. Norainah suggested that we should dress in black to pay our respects to the deadman himself.

Got my first roll of film for EXPPRO. Kinda of excited to start shooting. Had better come up with an idea on what to shoot. Better start dreaming soon. Hehe...

Also must search for sponsors for specialist project. Argh... quite a lot to do. Medialaw's about to start next week. Hopefully can cope.

I'm sorry dear, for everything. I'm sometimes like that, just be tolerant k? I'm sorry... sigh...
It's not that I don't want you to study. Set your priorities right. Concentrate on your studies first. It's not like we can't make time for one another. I'm trying very hard to make time for you. I know when to work, when to relax and spend time with you. I've gone thru that with you during my ITP. I just want you to understand and also know when to rest and when to work. It's ok to start early but some things must be taken slowly. Enjoy what you are learning. Sometimes doing work last minute is fun but tiring. At least you know what's it like when you go out to work. I've been through it. Just finish your work okay? I'll be patiently waiting for you at the end of the road.

Anyway I just hope, we can continue to be strong. I don't want too negative stuff going on. I really love you.

Listening to... Ambience

2004-07-06T10:36:00.000+08:00

Ah Choo!

Having a slight flu. Dunno how I caught it. Maybe it's because I didn't rest enough. Anyway, had a great time from Sunday all the way to yesterday.

Come to think about it, during communion, I was the only fella who popped the bread and drank the wine straight after receiving it. Haha... damn paiseh when I realised everyone in the congregation haven't partake yet. I done my communion even before the pastor. Wah lau super paiseh when I realise it. I quickly hid the cup behind the keyboards and act blur all the while playing Through it all on bass. Hehe...

Anyway Monday was fun. Rushed to school cos woke up late. Or rather becos I dilly dally too much. Rushed to blk 50. Meet Valz. Then rushed to class. Quite an ok class. Except most of the stuff you learn in Socpsyh. I was more or less playing with my new phone! Sony Ericsson T630 Liquid Black! Hee... Anyway Aoifa engaged into a super enthu discussion with some catholic in class who think he knows it all. Ultimate turn off. Whole class went ZZZ the minute they open their mouths. Aoifa talks in a more and more angry tone as she shares her article. Lol... Angry...

Anyway had lunch with Valz and her friends at canteen 1. Had fish & chips. Yum Yum. Kinda little though.

Anyway went to Online Comm Classes. Quite cool class only to have it spoiled by Aoifa with her rattling. Norainah was pretty scared when Aoifa turned violent and started smashing something. So damn paiseh the both of us. Can't believe Aoifa is actually an FSV student.

Anyway met Valz later again after school and Chua grabbed me to play chess with him, Sheng and Fangmin. Wah lau kena raped... whack by the 3 of them. :)
Went to buy a cover for my handphone, then went to find a hangten shop cos Valz like the bear, so travelled all over the place. Darn. made a super big loop only to realise that Clementi have a shop. Ouch. Anyway Valerie likes the bear. Hee! Watched the screening for ADFP. Kinda of disappointed with it. How come so much buzz... post didn't clean it. Argh... Catherine was horrible, Last Saturday still ok, Falling Into Fuschia was the best, sound wise. Hmm... but still can't be compared to the spanish film. Is it just equipment? Or skill? I will have to get feedback from the pros.

Sent Valz home. Dunno what happened, I came down with flu. Argh... damn sickening. Just runny nose. Damn. Had some noodles cooked by her mom, and took some medicine. Later finally washed my eyes using her Optrex. Took me some time to finally try it out. Made a mess though. Hehe... first time what. Left her house soon after that, went home. Slept on the bus, the medicine was causing drowsiness. Alighted at church to change bus home. Quite an enjoyable ride, the bus didn't seem to rock much, so managed to sleep quite a bit. Reached home and carried on sleeping...

Chua woke me up today to tell me to email Marc our script. I hurriedly turned on my com to do so. Checked my mail and got something really sweet! Brought a smile to my face. Ok time for breakfast. Hungry... gotta get familiar with my phone too... some functions dunno how to use yet.

Listening to... Love Bites - Def Leppard

2004-07-05T09:00:00.000+08:00

Alive!

Yawn... played for worship on sunday. Bassist. Damn paiseh when I played some wrong notes. Sometimes I stick out my tongue or shake my head when I played the wrong notes to indicate that I played something wrong. Sianz... must practice more. Valz said I look damn pro though... hehe... I'm not pro. Just trying to play the best music that I can play that is pleasing to God.

Anyway after worship there was a reception by the youths. Plently of food. Yum Yum! Nuggets were delicious but then again, they were from Macdonalds.

Valz and I left early. Headed to Toa Payoh to get my new phone. Sony Ericsson T630! Liquid Black somemore. Valz was so jealous... Sigh... lol!

Anyways spent some time at my place later. Headed to her house for dinner. Quite delicious dinner! Then spend some time walk walk. What a day. :)

Ok gonna be late for school! Bye!

Listening to... Nothing

2004-07-03T21:38:00.000+08:00

Yawn

Work at 10am this morning. Went down to aunt's office to scoop coins and pour into machine. Thats all. $30 for 20mins work. Good money.

Anyways met Valz later for lunch before she left to attend a wedding. I headed over to Sim Lim to buy some stuff. Went over to Wisma to collect my P71. Later went to church to practice for worship tomorrow. Quite a nice session.

Anyways tired.

Listening to... Girls On Film - Duran Duran

2004-07-03T01:02:00.000+08:00

K.O.

Super tired! Leonard's AFP class is damn exciting, though I can never keep up with him. Imagine this when he announces to the whole class that I'm attached! Super paiseh! But anyways he's quite a nice guy. Hyper about what he does. Had a break before watching Hearts of darkness. Rushed down to Student affairs office to tell them about my ezlink card prob. Stupid woman, slapped the extension list in my face. Machiam like she had enuff of ppl extending their ezlink cards. Idiot woman. How rude! Called Valz on my way back to blk 73. Upon hearing that she was still in canteen, ran all the way from atrium to canteen. So happy to see her again. Saw her earlier during her camera practice for Docpro. She told me that Craig talked to her about me. I dunno but I just kinda showed to middle finger while cursing Craig. Not in front of Craig mind you, it happened when I was in the canteen. I dunno why I did that, think it was an outburst becos of that stupid auntie at student affairs. Sorry dear... Craig's a nice guy, only annoying and can't really teach. But he makes the effort, though sometime halfheartedly. I'm gonna be slammed for typing this...

Hearts of darkness is quite a good documentary. Must watch again. Too much can be a bad thing too. Coppola had too much equipment, crew and money. It almost drove him to insanity.

Anyways went thru some jargon with Leonard later.

Rushed down to Pan Pacific with Chua. Shared a cab down to the area. !@#$%^&* traffic jam. Reached there close to 8pm. Gerald was there with Aileen. Hui Hui and Kexin were there too. So is Huong.

Ate a lot! 2 plates of just meat alone, plus extra dishes. Think I went out to grab food 6 times. Each time returning with my hands full. Cannot lao kui! Hehe... Valz u should know this. So basically tried to fill myself up to the brim. Almost exploded. Valz called. It's these little moments where we can find time to talk to one another that I really cherish most. I only wish if it's face to face but thru the phone is enough... we really missed each other. Sometimes my tone might sound emotionless, but what I'm really feeling inside is the complete opposite. I do feel...

Anyway ate a lot. The guys wanted to go KTV, drinking, I dunno but I couldn't join becos of time and also I've got work tomorrow. Anyway got to rest. Got a long day tomorrow! Meeting Valz for lunch and later worship practice!

Thank You Jesus for such a wonderful day! Amen!

Listening to... Who's Got My Back? - Creed

2004-07-02T11:36:00.000+08:00

Week's over soon...

Today's the last day of the week. Having Advance Film. Leonard Yip Mao Shen! Spent a really good time with Valz yesterday. I hope it could last forever. All the "puis"! It was really fun annoying her classmates especially one. Hehehhee!!!

Conversation goes...

- Oei Ah Valz...
- Pui
- Pui ur head
- Pui Pui Pui!

Whahahahhahahhahahahaha. Both of us laughed so hard.

Basically recap of yesterday since I was already in lala land when I wrote the blog. I think everyone knows about Valz and I. There is no shame in it. Dear, even though you voiced out your concerns, I don't mind what others will say. As long God remains the pillar of the this relationship. No one else can come between us. I might still not put complete faith and trust in you, I might still doubt you, help me, to teach me to trust in you. I know you will help me.

The specialist meeting was quite good. Saw Gwen. She sat at the seat opposite me. You guys know the centre of preview theatre is seperated by a flight of steps. She just suddenly asked me a question. Damn paiseh... Was more interested in whats going for specialist.

Valz... work is work. I can help you for your project. Don't think that the time working with you isn't meaningful. There are things which we both can learn to keep this relationship going on strong and even stronger. Concentrate on working first, then the intimate moments can start. You couldn't just let Ling set up everything while we spend our time together. Why not work together in setting up everything first, finishing the project early, to your satisfaction, then spend time with me. It's not that I'm away or what. If you want I can be helping you for your project. I will let you help out for my projects but know that it will not easy. The rest of my project mates are open to the idea. I will have to soon start a selection for certain positions for production soon. Really have to talk to Chua to change the title of the film. It's too plain.

It doesn't mean that I don't love you when I show you my bad side. It shows that I'm jealous, I want your attention. I should've be more understanding. I'm sorry. I hope you like the flowers. I recall something from Hui Hui. She asked me whether did I learn anything from this ITP. I said yes. In fact I learnt a lot more on about how to love you more dear. Thomas Ong's character is the one which I learnt from the most in the show. I don't mind buying you flowers. Today I was lucky, the florist had those roses in stock. They really look pretty. I took a glance and knew that was what I wanted to buy for you. Giving flowers is men's duty, receiving them is women's right. Poor translation from script. Hehe...

I couldn't bring you to the dinner, but it seems more clear to me that it will only consist of the preproduction crew. Basically, the Executive, Director, Production Manager, Assistant Director, Wardrobe, Art Director, and all those working under these dept. No actors. Have to rush down to Pan Pacific Hotel at 1930.

Gotta figure a way how to record straight into my PC105 from TV. Then can use as portfolio. At least I've got a Channel 8 drama as my portfolio.

My P71 is back at Sony service at Wisma, just no time to go collect it. Argh...

Watched Mimic today on DVD. Super boring. Was expecting it to be a no brainer show just for entertainment, but it seems like the show was bordering on ZZZZZZ... and no ideaness.

Ezlink woes...

Anyways gotta go! Borrowed an Ezlink card from Aunt. Tomorrow working at her place for jackpot so kinda of looking forward to it cos it's easy money. $30 for 20-30 mins of work. Who doesn't want?

Jesus rocks my world!

Youth Sunday is fast approaching. Jia lat, kinda of nervous since I'm on bass and I haven't touched the bass for quite a long time. Really hope I can play it well for worship especially since it's gonna be quite an energetic service cos Sonic Edge's pastor is coming down. Hehe...

Prayer can break down walls.

Father, you know my struggles. I thank You for being able to wake up everyday, keeping myself free from temptations. Even though it's a struggle, but I am constantly reminded of You and Valz to keep away from those temptations. I thank You Lord for Your countenace to let me be with Valz. I hope that we will remain together always and to seek You always. Even though there is a shortage of prayer to you from the both of us, but we pray constantly to You individually for Your grace to one another. We've come to understand that this relationship must be fixed to Your Word, Your grace. Intimacy to us is to constantly respect each other and Your Will for us. Thank You Lord. I pray that You will keep us together... All our struggles, all of shame and guilt, we choose to put them into Your hands, to let go of them, all our fears, our nightmares we let You decide how best to deal with them. Thank You Lord, for everything until now. I pray that Valz and I will walk on with You forever.

In Jesus' most precious and Holy name... Amen.

Real nice song... my secondary school class did a dance about it. Really nice... Can't remember all the details.

Listening to... Will You Be There - Michael Jackson

2004-07-02T01:31:00.000+08:00

Tired yet refreshed

I'm sorry dear, for all my crap and attitude. I should have put more trust in you, to believe more in you. I will. :)

Today was quite a happy day, though with some bad things. Anyways I won't dwell on them. Had a meeting with my specialist group. Seems like we're ready. Everyone is eager to go and perform.

Had a heart attack when I saw the designation for my project is video. Later reconfirmed it's film with Marc Jonet. Phew... Chua also almost died. Heng sia... Watched G-23. Super nice film. Lots to think of. Anyway I have too much to think of now! Maisie looks like 101 la mei! Those japanese girls who looks like they tan so much that they are black! Anyway nice tan...

Had dinner with Valz... poor girl... so hungry from dieting. Bought dinner with lots of meat. Kept adding meat to her. Hope she don't starve herself. Bought 2 roses for her. So pretty. She really liked it. Yay! Anyway we had a good time talking and chatting with each other, especially messing with her msn messages to her classmates. Lol... pui! Happy 2nd month dear... I'm sorry for all my attitude. I will change and trust you more.

Ok gotta go, I'm damn tired and excited for Advance Film Production. Emulsion teaching!

Listening to... Stand Here With Me - Creed

2004-07-01T09:09:00.000+08:00

Broken

I don't know why I feel like this. WHy you have to say those words. I know it's for my own good. Don't you think so? Have I risen too high to come back down? Must I be struck down like that? I wish I could be dumb and stupid, ignorance is bliss. To know too much causes pain and suffering. I rather be down the ranks with you than seek my own glorification. I wish I could just be consider by all to be dumb, I've enough of all the humiliation. I have my stand, my own agenda. I've stand enough of other peoples' crap.

I no longer wish to dwell on it. I have my own strengths. I shall keep quiet then. I've been thru all the roles and work. I shall keep quiet then. My voice is smothered. No longer shall I claim, I shall be silent, like a theif, quietly working hard, excelling in what I do best. If that is what you are telling me, I've have understood it when I woke up today. There are people depending on me for my group, I have to rise to the occasion. I can't play them out.

Thank you for the talk. I know you know it hurts, I thank you. I am hurt, I am broken by what you said, I am selfish, but you showed me light.

Lord help me, You know my problem best. What is it with me? Am I too high headed? Must I be brought down? If that must be the way, let Your will be done. Better to do it now than later. I pray that You let my skills glorify You instead of me. In Jesus name I pray... Amen.

I'm not sad dear, I'm just confused but refreshed becos you love me thats why you dared to stab me where it hurts most for me to change. Thank you dear...

Listening to... Livin' On A Prayer (Feat. Olivia d'Abo) - Bon Jovi

2004-06-30T21:34:00.000+08:00

Hokay!

Resting at home now. Quite sore after badminton yesterday. Chua and Khalif really have a lot of energy run here run there. Sheng and I were more thinking men. Choosing to play our service more carefully. Quite fun making Chua run from left to right and back to left again. Hehe... Sheng is really good very hard to play with him. Ran out of stamina while playing with him so naturally he won. Anyway it was a good time playing with the group. Really hope that we will be professional about our work.

Yay! My blog is almost complete. Kinda of proud of it. Thank dear for guiding me alone. I'm a HTML coconut. Dunno how to use it... Now to add more pics into Buzznet, but can only 10 per day. So slowly put them in. Ppl enjoy! all the crap that I took during my free time and the secret shots of you! Muhahahahaha

Had a talk with Valz over the phone. Thanks dear!

Listening to... Oh My Love - John Lennon

2004-06-30T18:16:00.000+08:00

3rd day

Ok had exppro today. Really weird class. Somehow those films don't really click in my head. Maybe I'm mundane... or maybe I'm creative in another way. Whatever. Quite nice though some films even though it's a little hard to grasp whats going on with it. Had a 30mins break so called Valz. Had a short talk with her over the phone. Had egg mayo for breakfast with teh after the call. Nothing interesting going on with my life. Shucks...

Class ended earlier. Got the chance to meet Valz. Later went off to walk walk with Jh and Fala. Stupid Fala owe me brownies. Better pay up soon. I will hound 1. lol... Talk to Marc Jonet over specialist. Super polite guy. Heard from Chua that he's interested in our project. Think it'll work in our way. Raise expectations and standard. About time too. No point dwelling down there. Advance Film looks interesting. Can't wait for it. Learnt a lot from ITP hopefully can apply then again got some ppl sure stop me.

Listening to... For All We Know - The Carpenters

2004-06-29T12:49:00.000+08:00

Yawn...

2nd day of school. No lessons today cos of some prob with lecturer. Valz called me in the morning. So sweet. I like it when she calls me in the morning. :) Had a good talk even though I was still half way in lala land. She's the best! All the talks we had, all our personal problems, we are able to tell each other. I feel so blessed to have her. I just pray that God don't break us up... sobz...

Super tired. Dunno what came over me. So tired. Maybe it's because I didn't sleep well? Cannot be leh... 10 hours of sleep... anyway, have to go to school to meet my specialist group for badminton. Hehe... kinda of cute to have a bunch of guys playing sport just for the kick of it. Think this group is quite united. Have to get to know them better before production starts and the stabbing goes. Supposed to meet Valz for lunch after her Multitrack Lecture but she ordered me to stay home and sleep... sigh... lol. Did some changes on my blog. Beginning to get more familiar with the layout so can start doing more things. About time to get a photo album online for you guys to see so please be patient while I get about it. Anyways gotta call EZlink now.

See ya guys!

Listening to... The Winner Takes It All - Abba

2004-06-28T19:03:00.000+08:00

Rest in peace

My poor Sony P71 is dead... well not actually. It still can take photos, but it's only at full wide, no focus. In short, it has become a fixed lens cam. Poor thing... at least it's still living. Sigh... anyway Sony service support is really good. Even sent me their condolences for my P71. lol... Maybe I'll consider borrowing from Valz her Canon A80. It got well again today so need to see her verdict tonight whether can it read her compact flash card. For the time being, I'll do less digital photography. Maybe I'll stick to film. But film is ex... then again, I've got 4 rolls collecting dust. Should try it.

Anyways I can still use my Sony PC105 to take digital shots. But then again, it's a video cam, it doesn't take stills as good as a full fledged digital camera.

I'm proud of my P71. Even though it's not full manual(it's a point and shoot). It's the camera that I have spent a lot of time with, taking shots. In fact, it spends more time with me than my Nikon FM2 and the PC105. The camera really does wonders... from really beautiful colors, 1/2000 shutter speed... it's been to places like Bintan. Taken shots of sunrises, sunsets, people, memories, and most importantly Valz...

It's an unbelievable camera. But I'll consider going back to getting another Sony camera. About time to move on to more serious photography. Thinking of waiting for Nikon D100 or D70 prices to drop, or might consider the Sony F828. Then again Canon DSLRs looks tempting. But not now, these cameras have to wait. I need the cash for more important tasks at hand.

The PC105 is quite good too. Though is close to full manual. Anyways gonna take care of this baby... it's not as rugged as my FM2.

My cameras are dying out on me. About time to show some care for them.

The first day at school was fun! Was walking with Tze Siang to school when I saw Valz and Ling. So I ran from SIM canteen all the way to the carpark at Blk 52. Then sneak up on her. So happy to see her in school! Turns out that we are just 1 classroom away for both IS lessons. For WISP, boring though but unexpectedly met up with Esther from Crusade. Lol... same class! Rite... dunno how come business student can end up same class as FSV student.

Online communication was more fun. Willie Hsu is the lecturer's name. Turns out he's quite a fun guy, though slightly gayish. Lol... Anyway sent Valz to her driving school. Turns out that my Ezlink card has turn kuku... think Ezlink thot that I'm supposed to grad last sem and has it due for termination on the 30th of June. Must complain to them!

Also damn sad... my discman also died. Dunno what happened. it just suddenly cannot play CDs. Grr... had to listen to radio on my way to school.

Everything around me is dying. I just hope my Toshiba Satellite 3000 still survives. If not an Apple Powerbook G4 is on its way... early. With a lot of backlashing. Sigh...

Seems like I want a lot of things... very expensive stuff... then again who doesn't! Lol...

Grr... Avid room is now fitted with G5s... grr... how come FSV didn't think of it when I'm doing docpro... angry...

Gotta eat now! Talk to you later dear *waves*

Listening to... Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz

2004-06-27T01:27:00.000+08:00

End game

Finally ITP is over. Had a really good talk with Hui Hui after the shoot about my future and what I've learnt during ITP. I must say that I've learnt a lot. How to manage my time better, how to be a better pre production crew, production crew and post production crew. Even how to be a better bf. lol... ITP has shown me all these. The characters though fictional exemplify what true people can be. I don't know how to put this to you all, but looking at the character Thomas Ong plays I can say I've learnt a lot on how to keep Valz happy.

The overnite shoot is really quite a drag. Had a headache at the start of the shoot at 7pm. Lasted quite a long time until I managed to get panadol from the makeup artist. The shoot went well, though it overrun by 30mins. Everybody was rushing near 6am to fight for that last shot, partly becos we have to fight against the sun from rising and to go home and sleep.

Had to help to load up the drum set back to one of the actors. Saw him driving a Mazda RX 8. Whoa damn cool. It's these kind of cars that make you wanna go learn driving sooner. Sat in the driver's seat and gave the RX 8 a try. Damn cool car. No money to buy though...

Read up on my blog when I got home. Saw what Valz left on tagboard. Felt really sad... Smsed her about it, waking up in 2 hour intervals to check my handphone for her replies. Later went to meet her at Orchard MRT to go shopping. With only 4 hours of sleep, I was the old man, stopping for rests in between. Thankfully, Valz is really understanding. Later an incident happened between the both of us. She didnt close the bottle cap properly and caused the water to flood my bag, killing her Canon A80. My heart hurts when I see her reaction to what has happened. Honey, I wasn't angry with you even though you thought so. I kept telling myself it's an accident. It's not your fault. Thankfully your cam still has warranty. I'm patient with you, I told you before I won't be angry, today is proof. Don't feel sad ok? I love you.

Headed to her place to have dinner prepared by her Mom. Quite a hearty meal. Yum yum. Spent some time talking to each other and looking thru the photos she took during her free time before going home nearly asleep. Slept on the bus. Ok gotta sleep. Damn tired.

Listening to... Silence. Isn't it good to be quiet for a while?

2004-06-25T01:53:00.000+08:00

T Minus 1 day...

Ok today was very tiring. Did more work than normal. Showed more attitude than usual. Come to think about it, I can't remember what actually happened! I know that Val called me. Honey, I really wished I was there with you, to lend you a shoulder to cry, to be with you. I don't want you to go thru it alone. I'm gonna try driving school. If I end up like you so be it, I can walk out with pride and say that I went thru the same thing as you. I don't care how much it cost.

A friend of mine told me this yesterday, I can't really remember it all. But at the end of the day which is more important? Money? Or my relationship with you (Valz). She was telling me this which really gave me some thought. Also the fathers' day service which the pastor talked about downgrading career to spend more time with each other. I am willing to give it up. Although it might mean that I am unable to provide you more but at least I can spend time with you. I wished I could be with you all the time. You said it's not good to fall to deeply, but I would rather fall into the deepest depths than live with a fake commitment to you. I love you Valerie. After all we've been thru, all the agruments, all the trials. We both have come out of it stronger in love towards each other. I've never been angry with you though sometimes I hate the way you try to avoid me.

To spend time with you is better than a thousand days doing something else. I've probably fall too deep for you, but I did it willingly. Because I love you. Don't cry dear, becos it hurts me alot to see you, to hear you cry. I wish you could be happy all the time, without a care in the world, free from all trappings. Fly free as a bird, I want you to be happy above all else. I don't want anything back, I just want you to be happy.

I'm blessed to have you. Thank God for you. I will pray becos prayer can do things which I alone can't.

Listening to... Bed Of Roses - Bon Jovi

2004-06-24T01:18:00.000+08:00

T minus 2 days

Today was really travelling day. Went to Changi Airport to shoot. Quite an experience since it's not always u get the chance to shoot at Airport right? Got 2 Matan (Policeman) accompany. Quite cool. Anyways got a call from Chua. Told me that because of the Choo's slashing we might take in some members. Told to him to wait for a pool first then decide who to take in. Might consider a female, cos the whole grp is male might be a bit too MCP, so need a female to balance out and to attract the attention of the guys.

Today's shoot was quite well. Got a few contacts. Can use for specialist. Muhahaha... got a driver for $20 an hour so it might be a good deal. Maybe can ask for discount since i'm student. Transport settled. Catering wise also got contact. Got to know one of the staff from food sponsor. Took a photo with her while the shoot was at their place. Caterer settled. Can ask for sponsor for food. Maybe.

Ended shoot early. Quite good. Headed straight to Valz's place. Bought her a white rose. Hehe... She had this movie marathon with her classmates. It was one of their birthday. So played a bit too. Happy Birthday Leon.

Back hurts... carried too much stuff these days. Jia lat... can't over stress it. If not really will snap. Anyways real tired...

Ok gotta go. I'm real tired. I love you Val...

Listening to... Rock The House - Gorillaz

2004-06-22T21:53:00.000+08:00

T minus 3 days...

Work work.

Today is really a very tiring day. Did a lot of travelling. Took 6 times cab to 3 different places. Shiok or what! Can enjoy aircon and sleep while no need to hear ppl screaming at you. zzzz....

Anyway headed to suntec first to buy some makan. bought lots of food. Blew the budget by $2.10 Sian... Did a lot of moving stuff. Moved plants etc. Think today my patience was quite lacking. Maybe it's becos that I'm always doing the crap job. Shouted back when they shouted at me to do somethings. I can bite 1 hor... don't push ur luck. Think they got the message.

Anyways was really tired. Honey I missed you so much. I can't wait for the chance to call you. I'm sorry for calling so late... i'm really busy. I have never missed you so much until today. Even though you are just a phone call away, I can't make the call. I'm sorry... :(

Yawn... i'm so tired. I need to let out all my stress... guitar time! Wake up my neighbours!

Listening to... Plasticine - Placebo

2004-06-21T23:01:00.000+08:00

T minus 4 days...

Today's shoot went off unexpectedly well. Didn't get any scolding in fact was counted upon to do some serious tasks. Luckily the prop turn out ok. I did my homework and was clear about whats going on. Must thank the Art Director too for preparing the stuff.

Took lots of photos. U must be wondering how I take photos when my cam is spoil but I used the company's video cam. Just took stills onto tape. Still quite ok. Managed to get the autograph from Thomas Ong! Yay! Dear I got it for you! He's quite a nice guy. Maybe a little gayish but nice guy.

Made a new friend today. The photographer from a magazine. Tried out her D100. WHoa... damn cool! Took lots of shots. Wah lau... really makes your digital camera feel and looks like crap. I think it's better than the D70 but then again I haven't tried the D70. It feels solid. Although I'm a Sony user but I think it's no problem handling it. Must consider it. Better start saving up $$$.

Had a few injuries here and there, most serious was knocking my big toe against the steps. Damn painful!!! Anyway, today is a good day. Was alert and ready to serve the director in any ways possible. Hopefully the rest of the days go as smoothly.

Whoo Hoo!

Suddenly feel alot of energy even though I'm tired.

Listening to... Psycho - System Of A Down

2004-06-20T23:36:00.000+08:00

Tears

Today is such an emo day. Went to church alone today. Reached church looking for a place to sit. The usher was trying to guide me to Valz but I didn't get his point and kept heading to the wrong seat. Finally he asked me this, "Are you Wayne?" I nodded and he pointed to a direction and said, "Valerie is over there." Wah lau damn paiseh... turns out that we both wore red. Hehe...

She wore the necklace that we both bought for each other. I brought mine but didn't know how to tie it. It looks good on her. :)

Today's message was real powerful. Broke down. The importance of fatherhood and the role of being a father was never more clear than it is today to me. When I think about it it's really very sad for my own family. Maybe it's becos of supporting the family that I didn't get much fatherly love? Maybe. But one thing is... I have learnt a lesson today and will apply it when I become a dad. :)

Valz and I headed over to cine to watch Japanese Story. She helped me put on my own necklace for me. We both got a pair that can fit together. So sweet... Must make more effort to love and treasure her. Got the tickets for the the 5:30 show at 2:30. Spent 3 hours at Heeren walking around window shop. Wanted to buy a couple of Nirvana posters at HMV but Valz stopped me. Luckily... but I really wanted 1. Maybe some other day. We both had a lot of fun. The things we talk about, even spending some quiet time together with her is like the most fruitful conversation I had with her. Looking at her really gives me peace.

Japanese Story is really quite a nice show even though the character development is a bit too fast. But it was nice. Very emo show. Shows the pain and suffering of your loved ones when you pass away. I'm sorry dear, for joking about dying. The show has really shown me what might be the pain you will face. The characters really cried a lot. I dunno, but when I see people cry, it hurts me quite a lot. I'm seen Valz cried in front of me, it hurts me to see her in that state, even though yesterday she cried becos she was happy to see me, I'm so happy that I've got her. I longed to wipe away the tears that flow down her cheeks. She's so pretty... Even the time when we had dinner together at her place she cried. I can see how much she loves me... :_) I love you dear... I won't give up on you, I won't. No one can seperate us unless God wants to. thats what you told me. I really hope we can stay together for as long as possible.

Sent her to wheellock place to spend time with her friends. I went home after sending her. Jammed for 20mins playing to Nirvana tunes. Really emo let out. Sometimes I just wanna be angry but there's nothing to be angry about. Maybe work. Just feel less stressed after jamming.

I'm scared. Of work. Tomorrow is the last 5 days. I dun want to screw up. But I'm really tired. I really want to rest. Yet I have to try to make it for the last 5 days. I hope i can last thru it. Even when I just got a bad news and argument over a prop. I hope to last thru the days. I wish saturday would come earlier so that I could go over to your place dear and spend time with you. I really want to... I;m scared, I need you near me... sobz...

Listening to... Learning To Fly - Pink Floyd

2004-06-20T00:50:00.000+08:00

Rest!

Today is an off day! Yay! Can rest. Spent the whole day with Val... went to her place in the morning. Brought my laptop along. Listened to Mp3 all the way to her place. Been a long time since I can enjoy listening to music in peace. Bought 3 white roses. The auntie told me they are white even though they look slightly yellow to me. Anyway she said cream white. So whatever.

Managed to surprise Val(i think). Hid the flowers away from her. She kinda of expected me to buy again. Think she was slightly dissapointed at first until i popped the flowers out to her. hehe...

Brought my breakfast and yesterday's food to her place. Heat up the food using microwave. My poor Hokkien Mee sotong exploded in the oven. :( ... lol!
Anyway had a good time at her place. Spending time talking to each other. Even got enuff time to take a nap. Damn tired cos of work. She's quite happy to see me... even cried. I was really touched. Managed to fight back the tears. Silly girl... I love you!

Later, went over to my place to collect something before heading to Kovan to meet her friend. So rude! Her friend! Grr... no manners at all! All the more so when I'm the senior. Grr... Went to shop shop for a while. Saw this really nice looking Swarovski Jig-saw crystal. We both bought for each other. Can be pieced together 1. So nice!
After that headed to my Punggol home. Spent some time looking around my room.

Dear, I'm happy for what happened today. That we both learnt how to respect each other. Also to love each other more. you are the best! *muacks!*

Ok time to sleep. I'm already so tired...

Listening to... Thinking About Forever - P.O.D.

2004-06-18T03:09:00.000+08:00

Expectations

Woke up today feeling strange about myself. Maybe I'm too moody maybe I think too much. I was confused over what to feel. I was lost. I'm sorry Val... for shouting to you on the phone. I really hated it when you do that. I'm sorry, for not being understanding to you. When I think about it, what you felt when I shouted, I broke down. I treasure you a lot. I don't want to treat you like a toy, to be used and thrown away after having fun with it. I want to hold on to you, for as long as I can. I won't die so easily, not when you're with me.

I'm really sorry, I really regret it. How can I do that? What am I really going thru? Am I who I think I am? I see how fragile you are... you are precious to me.

I work hard. Harder sometimes, to payback the broken days. I need to repay them this debt. If not I won't leave this company with pride. I need to give them my all. Furthermore I need to give you my all Val... it's hard. But I'm trying. I admit I'm not the best, but I'm trying to keep you happy.

I work happily with the crew, to know that I have learnt a lot of lighting, camera angles, continuity, sound, producing. All these I can apply for specialist. The highest level possible of production in Singapore I have seen them all during this shoot albeit a bit of following a formula.

I yearn for my off days, to spend time with you. Even not doing anything with you by my side is enough. I longed to lie by your side, not thinking anything about work at all. Soon the time will come. Rest my love, the time is near.

There are things which I have come to expect from people. In production, I expect efficiency. I expect people to know certain things which they didn't know in the first place, to do things my way, to listen to me. Maybe it's because I've been thru too many shoots, or maybe it's because the way they are doing is wrong? I dunno, but sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong. Mediacorp crew follows a formula on shoots, but they are professional. These guys do this for a living, if they are not good, then they are better off working as production assistants. I've seen two sides of Mediacorp crew. The professional one I feel more confident is the crew that is working with me now. The Heartlanders 3 crew is very unpredictable, and unprofessional. Nevertheless, I've learnt a lot from both. I know what to expect in a shoot. I can deliver, but can you?

In a relationship like ours dear, whats important is that we both feel contended with each other and also seek God in all times. I know this contendment is hard to maintain all the times, but seeking God will help. I'm very happy that you prayed for us. That you dared to tell people about us, that we are going public about it. I wasn't angry with you at all times, I admit I was frustrated, but I wasn't angry. When you're upset, I'm upset. When you're angry, I'm upset. When you show ur temper, I'm upset. I try to calm you down. To show that I care. I won't be angry with you at all. I haven't.
I try to correct you on somethings, I try to let you know whats really the true meaning to certain things. I'm stern during these times, I'm sorry if I've hurt you.

Work is going to end soon. I can hardly wait to go back to school. To study again, to do production for the ADFP people. To just laze in lecture. To accompany you more.

It's only a few more days. I will be patient. I'm probably worse off than your previous experiences, but I will try to be better than them.

I won't let you down.

Listening to... Times Like These - Foo Fighters

2004-06-15T10:37:00.000+08:00

Work

Work work work work work work work.
Today is the 3rd day since shoot resumes. Think everything been going on fine. Working hard. Maybe too hard? I dunno. Sometimes there are things which I just don't want to do at work and things that i really want to do.

I prefer a technical crew role. Something like gaffer, CA or even boom op. These are the roles where you focus on set only. You work only when production starts. No pre and no post. The only pressure is that when you screw up, you can only hope that it will be cleaned up by the post or by yourself during the take.

Then again, being a producer for quite sometime, I do miss being one. Although it's tough, you have to work all the way from Pre to Post. There is a final say on your part.
But you are most likely to sleep less and even work more than a technical crew.

I'm being to realise my caliber as a professional soundman. Being approached by ADFP all the time is testament to my skills. But I need to rise up above the game. I may be the best in FSV but am I the best outside? Thats where I will rise up. I am renegade. I choose to do things my own way. It only applies for work.

I'm happy that despite being attached to itp, i'm still getting offers from not only ADFP but from professionals as well. I thank you for spreading the word. I need my rice bowl. :) I've made a convenant with Sherman at MediaCorp to study as his soundman apprectice when I grad and leave NS. But I think my ego will be the hindrance. Sigh...

I love working in this line. I guess I wasn't prepared. Thats why I screw up so many times. I thank God for the support of my colleauges. I would have died if not for them. I am humbled, I am broken, I've fallen. But you and them have helped me rise. I can't rise back to the heights I've been. I only yearn to give work my all. To assist Jack and Gerald with all my strength. To me this is the best and sincerest way of saying I'm sorry. To repay them.

There are time which I go to work thinking of you dear. But work is work. Being over on the creative side of the crew means that I cannot do a 12 hour shoot. I must carry on working until the prop is finished. I know you have come to terms with that. :)

I have lost a lot of things ever since in FSV. I tainted my gifts from Him with evil. I'm not confident of playing. Yet despite all my unconfidence, I choose to give a try. Tongues will wag, gossips will fly, yet I don't care. I love God. And you. If only my schedule fits into practice time. *sobz*

I have told you all my struggles, all my habits... I still have many things to tell you. I realised your worth, you are not my toy. You're my girl, you're my support.

Most of my friends don't really like Creed. But it was Marcus who got me into Creed when we are at a Crusade camp. They're good, though they sound over-engineered and commercialised. In Human Clay album, With Arms Wide Open runs continuous with Higher following close behind. It's quite a good mix audio wise and I really like how they did it. To have 2 songs that I like run after one another.

With Arms Wide Open

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Well I don't know if I'm ready
To be the man I have to be
I'll take a breath, take her by my side
We stand in awe, we've created life
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open...

Higher

When dreaming I'm guided through another world
Time and time again
At sunrise I fight to stay asleep
'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place
'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape
From the life I live when I'm awake
So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask can we stay?
Can you take me higher?
To the place where blind men see
Can you take me higher?
To the place with golden streets
Although I would like our world to change
It helps me to appreciate
Those nights and those dreams
But, my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights
If I could make the Earth and my dreams the same
The only difference is
To let love replace all our hate
So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask can we stay?
Up high I feel like I'm alive for the very first time
Up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams
And make them mine

The lyrics are meaningful and what I reflect upon. Take time to think abt it. Higher is real fun to play. But try it on an electric guitar. My speakers gonna explode. Poor Sonys. I have to go to work soon. Maybe just enjoy this time alone.

Listening to... With Arms Wide Open/Higher - Creed at FULL VOLUME!!!!!!

2004-06-13T07:05:00.000+08:00

Guilt

I don't know why I wake up feel like this
I just don't know why
I'm scared of losing you
I'm scared of hurting you
If only we didn't
If only, thats what we can say
There's no point in crying over spilled milk
I want to love you even more
You're not my toy
You're my treasure
I must treat with respect
because you're my love
I'm sorry dear
I hope you forgive me
I don't want to wake up feeling so bad
I don't want you to feel hurt
I want you to be my happy girl
If only I stopped myself
I will the very next time
Because I love you
There won't be anything like it anymore
Pray to God for the both of us
I will...

OK I'm late for work!

2004-06-12T23:35:00.000+08:00

Better is one day in Your courts than thousands elsewhere.

Today's the last day of my rest. Hopefully I have rested enough. Anyways headed down to office today to finish up on my props. Took it really easy and slowly. Quite enjoyed my time there. Was expecting a very busy day, yet praise Lord, it became so easy. Seems like Hui Hui had an idea for a certain prop so we did it the easy way, rather than printing it out. Phew! Saved me a lot of trouble, time and money. Went over to Allan's house. He's my secondary school friend btw. One of the closer ones. Anyways returned him the basketball. Thanked him for lending it to me and the government service letter. Spend 5 mins watching him play FF on computer. The Final Fantasy online where u play with players online against monsters. Anyways rushed home after than to have lunch.

Got date. :)
Went down to Cine to buy the tickets for Japanese Story. Darn no good seats... :(
Suffered a heartburn. Seems like it only happens when I eat/drink things with soup very quickly. Maybe there's too much oil. Damn painful, affects the whole body. Can't concentrate on anything. Thats why I had to call you to ask u so many times dear. My entire body slowed down. I can still walk and do normal things, it's just that i might not be able to remember...
Anyways thanks honey!

Went over my place to watch The Best Bet. Damn funny, but the whole experience was spoiled by some stupid people who didn't turn their phones to silent and answer loudly. Grr.... stupid people!
Had Loy Kee Chicken Rice after the show. Yummy! Wallet kena raped. Haha... but shoot day i don't even need to spend a single cent thats what I like about shoot. :)

Honey I have so much to tell you... personal thoughts between you and me... :_| I'm frightened... i'm scared... I'm your silly boy...
I'll break the habit for both our sake.

Listening to... My Own Prison - Creed

2004-06-12T00:35:00.000+08:00

Shopping!

I finally have my rest.
Spent my time with my darling... really happy times. I really miss her. The times are so enjoyable. We can really spend time just talking to each other about ourselves. I'm really happy that we both can talk to each other about more sensitive stuff about ourselves.

Headed to office in the morning to collect a painting to be returned. !@#$% stupid! Returned the drawing and rushed down to Jurong to her place. Bought Long John Silvers and a rose for her. Hehe... managed to surprise her!

Went to Queensway today with her. Spent time walking around searching for a bag and a pair of shoes. I admit that I was really feeling very low when I couldn't find 1 that i really liked until... I saw that pair. Even though you didn't really like the material but I guess it's a compromise, I will take good care of it. THanks dear for being so understanding. I'm not buying it becos u have something under the similar name. It's just that it caught my eye and sinks into my skin. Hopefully its looks good with the overall look. The bag also. It just looks good to me. Its like God creating the world. He made it and decided that it was good.

Genesis Chapter 1 - 1In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. 2And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. 3And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. 4And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. 5And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day. 6And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. 7And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so. 8And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day. 9And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. 10And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good. 11And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. 12And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good. 13And the evening and the morning were the third day. 14And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years: 15And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so. 16And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also. 17And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth, 18And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good. 19And the evening and the morning were the fourth day. 20And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. 21And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good. 22And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. 23And the evening and the morning were the fifth day. 24And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so. 25And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good. 26And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. 27So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. 29And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. 30And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so. 31And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. 1In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. 2And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. 3And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. 4And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. 5And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day. 6And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. 7And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so. 8And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day. 9And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. 10And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good. 11And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. 12And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good. 13And the evening and the morning were the third day. 14And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years: 15And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so. 16And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also. 17And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth, 18And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good. 19And the evening and the morning were the fourth day. 20And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. 21And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good. 22And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. 23And the evening and the morning were the fifth day. 24And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so. 25And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good. 26And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. 27So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. 29And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. 30And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so. 31And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

It's a lot to read, but do take time... :)

Anyways it's like God creating things. He saw that it was good so he kept it and didn't change it. It's about the same feeling. Haha....

Anyways after that we headed to Ikea to eat. Meat balls and salmon. Broke liao... took a little walk around, see some furniture. Lol... bought her an ice cream and cookie. A $1 cookie! Damn ex...

Anyways headed to the apple corner... lol... the staff there was using a Fujitsu, obviously a windows laptop. Wonder what is Apple providing for their staff? U sell Mac products using Windows and Fujitsu products.... whatever... I'm just confusing u.

We took the wrong bus, ended up at Outram MRT. Saw this really funny old woman who put her hand on her butt and fart right in front of us. Both of us were... ahem... enlightened.

I threw a tantrum later over something, I'm sorry dear. I told u everything, you don't need to saw anything. I wont be angry with you... I'm sorry...

Took a walk around her place, played the merry-go-round. I think I pushed too fast, spinning like it was some roller coaster ride. She felt giddy after it... sorry dear!
I almost couldn't pull myself in even when I jumped on. Haha... over did it...
Had a good heart to heart talk with each other, about your own personal problems. Must say it was one of the best times together.

Now I feel so stressed... work is about to start. SUnday is the day when shoot resumes, and I have some props yet to be done. Had better finish them. Gotta rest. Need a lot of it...

Listening to... nothing at all. No music on.

2004-06-09T09:53:00.000+08:00

I want you to my happy girl

I cried for you before I slept
Praying to God that you'll be fine
Why be so pessimistic? The past is gone.
I know I haven't done a good job of keeping you happy
I know that you want a lot of things.
I prayed to Him for your anger, your emotions, for you to seek Him when you feel lousy.
I prayed to Him for you... that you will be fine, that you won't blow your anger, I pray that you will realise how much you are loved around by people. I pray that you will realise it.

I shed more tears this morning to Breathe. I'm lost without you, I'm desperate for you, yet I choose to seek God and pray for you. I woke up too early for my IS enrolment, what can I do? Blog? I did, and I went to worship God in my own room with my guitar, that small little room of mine, the square room of mine. Even though I've sinned I choose to worship Him every single day.

A Mineral album title, The Power Of Failing shows how much it is to fail. I have failed my duty as your bf to make you feel fulfilled. Even Jenn writes off with the line from his favourite song

Those with defeat of their faces are those that we must keep alive!

The Moon Is Down - Further Seems Forever

Matthew 5:3 - Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I hope you realised how much you're worth to people, imagine the pain your closest people will feel when you self destruct. It's very selfish, think about us. What will happen to us when you leave us... Don't be silly girl, we all love you.

Listening to... Breathe - Michael W. Smith

2004-06-08T21:51:00.000+08:00

Extra!

Today was cock day at work. Filmed at hospital then lack of extras. Had to don a patient costume and act as an extra. Kelly had to act as my visitor. She even had to sppon feed me as part of the acting. Lol...

Anyways it's gonna be on TV! So exciting... professional sleeper. Lol... all i had to do was lie down on bed. Zzzz............

Anyways quite an enjoyable day at the shoot. Think i made too many calls though.

Tml got a production meeting. Just two hours! It'll end and I'll go meet gf. Must meet her. I'm very sorry to tell her that tml is off for me. I hope she'll forgive me and don't be angry. I will still meet her no matter what even if I have to take a taxi to meet her. She's what I need. I'm really sorry. Words can never fully translate how sorry I am. Wait dear, I will spend time and dinner with you tml. This I promise you.

I really hope she's not angry. Everytime when my superiors say got meeting, I can't do anything abt it. I have to attend it. Tomorrow is confirm i will be leaving straight after the meeting. I need my rest and free time.

Vijay already told them, so I got school's backing. I hope you don't be angry. And I'm really sorry. I felt very bad when you told me anything, when you are angry. The circumstances are always not in my favour, I just hope you understand, even if you don't want to. God will make a way when there seems to be no way. It's the same for us.

Thank You Father for all today. Even though I had to make her angry. I pray that she'll forgive me for all my crap. I pray that You will teach me how to handle these kind of situations in the future. I thank You for Your love to die on the cross for everyone including the both of us. I thank You for Your love to us and our love to one another and to You.
In Jesus' name... Amen!

Everytime you talk to me like that, I feel very sad... but I still love you. I need to listen to Nirvana for a while...

Listening to... I'm With You - Avril Lavigne

2004-06-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

Thank you

It's been quite a while since I updated. Been very very busy with work. Neglected a lot of people, made a person angry, sad, emotional and lonely. I'm so sorry... I will not do that again.

No matter what you tell me, that you don't love me as strong as you did before, that you are angry with me, that you will ditch me, I will carry on loving you. I sometimes hit dead ends, but with you I won't. I can't carry on talking because of the cough, but on words, I can. I will fight to win you back, anything within my mean, but I don't want to make you unhappy... If the time comes to finally let you go... I will. But not before an effort to win you back. God willing we will be together.

I'm so happy to talk to you, even like today when you told me what your ex mentor told you. I was happy in tears... at millenia walk. I was really very happy when you told me that. I feel so blessed to have you, I feel so fortunate. To have you care and concern, to shout at me for messing up at work, for not taking care of myself, I am really blessed to have you as my girl.

I will tell you all this by myself, thru the phone, I love you so very much even at times when you are angry. Like God whom loves us both, when we choose to distance ourselves from Him, how does He feel? What would Jesus do? Thats the question that I'm asked by you and have to answer myself.

I told you I loved playing this song for worship
I found it back

Breathe

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your Holy Presence, living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your Holy Word, spoken to me

And I~~~~~'m I'm desperate for You
And I~~~~~'m I'm lost without You
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Work will be better, I hope. It's been getting better and better. I really thank God for the help that is given to me. Thank God for the support of friends. I will really die if not for their help.

Work work work
I'm not obessed but just overburden
I'm not mushy and it's just my declaration of love to my dear!

Listening to... Thank You - Dido

2004-06-05T21:02:00.000+08:00

I love you and Him so very much!

Thank You Lord for sending my dear to me!
Thank You Lord for her being temperamental for me!
Thank You Lord for her! I love her so very much!
Thank You Lord for helping me resist against temptations!
Thank You Lord for that we are able to talk to each other to You!
Thank You Lord for everything that we been through!
Thank You Lord for all our squabbles!
Thank You Lord for helping us resolves the squabbles!
Thank You Lord for today!
Thank You Lord for yesterday!
Thank You Lord for my work!
Thank You Lord for my life!
Thank You Lord for her life!
Thank You Lord for what we dream!
Thank You Lord for that we both miss each other!
Thank You Lord for everything!
Thank You Lord for my love to her, her love to me, and our love to You!

All these in Jesus' name... Amen!

2004-06-05T09:24:00.000+08:00

Despair

You were never my burden
You were my strength
I just hope you understand
I need you more than anything else
I need you to hold my hand

It pains me to see you write such things
I cried just this morning
Yet to work I must go
With those tears I walk alone

Please dear don't do this
Don't feel angry over this
I don't want you to understand
But know that I'm just an ordinary man

It's not a drag to go out with you
But at times I do not have the strength
Yet when I see you so happy
I tried to understand
That you love me for who I am
I love you still despite your angst
That you will forgive me for all my crap

2004-06-04T23:24:00.000+08:00

Tired

I'm so tired...
What a day...
Life's a drag...
I can't go on like this...
I don't why things are like this...
People are unreasonable...
At work they want miracles...
Honey I am so scared...
I try to keep you happy...
Spend my time as much as I can...
You make me happy when you're happy...
Yet I'm at the lowest when you're mad...
Those silent moments on the phone...
I want to talk...
Yet I'm unable to...
Tiredness is such a drag...
I don't need you to say anything just listen to what I want to say...
Yet I feel so tired...
At times I really felt like giving you up...
But I am always reminded of how precious you are to me...
How foolish am I to even bear the thought of giving you up...
I pray that He teach me how to better manage my time...
I know your behaviour...
I don't want you to be angry...
I don't want you to be sad...
I don't need you to understand...
That I'm so sad...
I cry at night when you are angry or sad...
I can't show it anyone except you and Him...
All my weakness all my pains...
I can only hide them alone at night...
To tell all to you and Him...
My wings are broken...
I can only limp in spirit...
There is no strength left...
Will you hold my hand?

I am really tired and scared tonight...

2004-06-02T22:27:00.000+08:00

Renew

Work was quite ok today. Maybe cos I did some preparation and I know whats going on. No more blur liao. But still coughing. :( Argh. Everytime I try to talk, I will cough. Damn must get well soon.

Today's shoot was quite ok. Underrun. So thats a good thing though underrun by 10mins. Nothing to be proud of. Beginning to feel very uneasy... maybe cos there's not a single piece of music instrument left in my house! Kaoz... I wish either my keyboard or guitar is back. Keyboard at least can play some Lennon songs, guitar can play Nirvana. And some others. I know more songs other than these 2.

Here we are now, entertain us!

Need some angry music now, except I got nothing to play, not even the voice... cough.
Blog deco is a bit screw up now cos of the archives. Will try to fix it. Not too soon though, work.

Was thinking of some song writing while at work. Nothing too fancyful. Just a thought. Maybe can do some writing doesn't hurt anyway. Won't post it yet. Still blabbers

Doesn't anybody ever know...

Scars will never fully heal, but if the soul is willing, it can cease to exist.
I too have my share of scars, my pain, my anger, my sorrows.
If there is one thing in the world I miss and hate the most is - loneliness
I enjoyed my days alone, free, yet missing on something very very important, someone
Many a times I have tried to self destruct, yet something or someone held me back.
Alone in the dark, with tears in my eyes, bloodied hands, playing quietly on my keyboard
When the music gets loud, I want to smash my guitar.
Frustration is what drives me
Until...
I have been given new life, renewed.
The Alpha and Omega whom I once cut off from has been linked by my love.
The gift of music from Him remains tainted for I am unable to release from the secular,
Yet still it's potential remains... waiting to be resurrected like a phoenix rising,
My soul is willing, this scar shall cease to exist, for it shall come to pass,
Pain...
Scream out, cry out, if it makes you feel better, for I will be there for you.
Your scars will also disapper, past is no longer present,
The new is here, gone with the old,
7 is the One, for He shall lead, we must choose to follow,
I won't mind your past, don't cry you must,
The tears I shed writing this, shall bear witness,
Renew us...
For I will stay by you, wiping your tears,
every tear you shed my heart sheds even more
Wait for me as I grow old, for I will wait for you too,
In illness, In rich, In poor, I will,
All this shall not be in vain,
If there's one thing I attained out of this knowing,
I love you so very much... :_)

I and I, I'm not ashamed of the Most High, even if I die tonight!

Listening to... The Messenjah - P.O.D.

2004-06-01T21:42:00.000+08:00

I won't

If there's something I want to say is that I won't leave you dear.
Thank you for visiting me even when I'm sick. I really appreciate it. Didn't want you to come all the down though. The time we spend sharing and talking are so beautiful. Even just by looking at you, I feel that I just had the best conversation with you. If I choose to leave, then all this is in vain. I don't want that. Neither do I want you to go thru it. Don't cry... I love you.

I will get better for you. I will just for you. Happy 1st month! I love you so very much!
Lets make our happy ending! God will lead us! Amen!

Listening to... My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne

2004-05-31T16:48:00.000+08:00

A Song

Song of Solomon 2:2 - As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters

I toil tirelessly to earn my keep,
Why does my love mourn so deep,
I love her more as each day pass.

Yet work on I must,
Though I yearn to leave all behind,
and spend with you all my time.

I can't for now,
for I am burden,
Wait for me my love,
And we shall commune before the everlasting Him.

If thy heart greys,
My heart mourns,
Wait for me... thats all I ask.

Song of Solomon 5:1 - I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved

2004-05-31T16:01:00.000+08:00

KO...

Spent a real long day yesterday for the shoot. Damn tiring. Thomas Ong threw a tantrum over a scene. Quite shocked.

Anyways met my location sound master. Learnt a lot on the spot from him. Set a meeting in 4 years time to work in his company as an apprentice soundman. Must see first. Cos it will mean that I will be staying in production team for quite a while. Anyways will apply for specialist. Have achieved further in sound capturing on location. Strive to be the best.

Damn tired. Took lots of continuity photos etc... Flu reared it's ugly head. Hopefully will get well soon.

Dear I miss you so much.

Listening to... I Could Die For You - Red Hot Chili Peppers

2004-05-30T03:18:00.000+08:00

Conti!

Ok super cock day. Spent most of the time being yelled at!
I'm sensitive ok! Don't yell at me for help for you after doing my stuff! If you don't want me to help just say so! Stupid!

Ok let it out...

Spent most of the day sticking close to the AD even though I'm props assistant. Ok fine. Ask me to do conti. I do. No complains. But conti is damn boring. Especially when things keep shifting and not it doesn't appear in any shot later. So ask me keep conti for what? I upload pics on com. I do not keep them for my own viewing pleasure. As if I need Thomas Ong & Sharon Au to make my life whole. Oh ya havent ask Thomas yet for the autograph. Priority for tomorrow. Must ask. Be shameless a bit. Lol...

Learnt a lot of details on crew today from AD. Wah I think maybe spending 1-2 years over there as sound man damn worth it. Earn quite a good amount and have a stable rice bowl. Spend some time messing with their mixer, mics and fishpole. So damn light their fishpole. Comfy, unlike cage's (except for 1 over there which Jenn and Shukor laughed when I checked that out).

Anyways, lighting wise also learnt alot. Must study how it appears on film before trying to be a DP. Video is easier cos can see on monitor. Think more or less can settle for DP role. Yay! Another role in resume. Maybe I'll op for specialist but see first since the positions are submitted. Must gather my own production equipments. Polys, ropes, flags, the cheap one not the lights, cam etc.

Hopefully I can take out lots of equipment from cage for specialist. Really need it.

Must say I improved more for lighting and gaffer skills during attachment rather than producer. Seriously thinking of shifting to production team as sound/gaffer/Cam assist. Better still DP or director. But directing I don't like.

See first learn all. Then as life goes. See how it progress. God will lead the way.

Think thats abt it for today. I like bouncing lights! Oh ya! Drank another 3 bottles. Visited the toilet 3x as much.

I love my gf very much.

Listening to... All About Lovin' You - Bon Jovi

2004-05-29T12:04:00.000+08:00

Damn tired

Had a slack day yesterday. Luckily the shoot only had a maximum of 3 actors so not that stress noting down conti. Just so tired... Even now. Drank a lot of water... another 3 1.5l bottles.

Don't know what to type. Just a blank now.
If only...
Nvm...
I'm so tired...

The days pass so quickly... I hope it goes even faster.

Today is the day...

I have resisted so long... and have not changed. I won't leave you.

Listening to... We Never Change - Coldplay

2004-05-28T02:28:00.000+08:00

Emo

Had a real tiring day. Today was damn stressful. Did some hammering for props. Shoot wasn't too bad. Except it was damn cramp in the living room. What the hell is the makeup artist always walking up front to adjust the hair of the actors when the head isn't even in shot? Can't she do it after the shoot and not stand on set and waste space!? Grr... damn angry just don't understand that.

Damn tired... Became the courier man today. Travelled from place to place to get props and food. Really tiring especially doing all these work. I think if you put me in production role I will be more relaxed. Gaffer will do. Anyways... I drank another 4.5l of today! Die ar... how come drink so much... visited the toilet a few times also. Anyways keep a bottle used by an actor. Lol... freaky. Like I'm some crazy fan which I'm not :P. Planning to use it for a surprise... dunno whether want or not...

Used a smoke machine today! Hahah!!! Accidently aimed at Sharon when testing it. Luckily she was ok. But my eyes weren't! Damn smoke, I think my eyes are too sensitive... right eye hurt a lot! Had to go change to specs during dinner and came back without a packed dinner left. Had to go buy...

Dear, I'm so happy you called me... those few short minutes are very precious. I'm really happy :') ... I can't wait for you to return! I have never spent each day without thinking of you. Even on shoot. It is not a distraction but comfort. To know that at the end of the day you will be there. I will give you my all...

Listening to... I'll Be Yours - Placebo

2004-05-26T22:23:00.000+08:00

Multitasker

Today was super fun! Started the day at 6am. Went down office around 7am. So slack a bit here and there first before leaving with the crew to location for shoot. All squeezed into Huo Ren's car. Quite a quiet ride there. Guess everyone was more or less tired in the early morning.

Shoot Mina's scenes first with Thomas Ong. Wasn't too xiong, but then again... I just recovered so taking things lightly. Tried to get a tan by standing under the sun the most of the time. lol... Met Sharon Au for the first time!! She's so sweet! Real PR.

Anyways was more or less the PA for the shoot. Did a little gaffer work. Nothing much like keeping the cable clear of dolly wheels. Done that in Heartlanders 3 so nothing interesting. Strangely though the crew seems to accept me. Haha... dunno... got the look. Whatever :P

Anyways saw some of their sound equipment. Was damn retro or whatever u call it. Instead of the levels being shown in a straight line, they move like a rainbow shape crescent. Damn cool. Then also all of their clip mics are wireless. Damn envy them. Working with ADFP will be so damn easy if only Cage have wireless mics. Other than the sound... nothing else is cool. Camera is like loc vid 1... nothing cool, but proven design and recognised by a couple of us to be the best camera ever used in our 2 years. Other than that nothing much... usual production stuff, poly, etc...

Became the umbrella man for Sharon and almost assistant to Thomas. Taught him french for the shoot. Both of them now know my name. Yay! Must try to get autograph from Thomas for GF. She just likes him. Good surprise. Anyways drank 3 1.5l bottles. Told Kexin (Assistant Director) I will die of water poisoning if I hit 7l a day. Anyways as PA Kexin comes to me for certain things etc so can trust. Thomas and Sharon too. Both of them are so friendly!

Anyways luckily the shoot went well. I hope. Hui Hui cried becos she was scolded by some MediaCorp personnel over the crew call tml. Rundown change and there were a lot of miscomm. Stupid MeDiACop! Anyways gotta rest. Long day today Tml even longer. Argh... I must get the autograph!

Dear you are always on my mind even when I'm down with illness! I love you! The more I spend each day away from you the more I think of u... I will receive you with arms wide open when you return! Amen!

Listening to... With Arms Wide Open - Creed

2004-05-25T11:41:00.000+08:00

Slack

Ok today is slack day. Had fever last night. Think I'm feeling better now. Dizzy spells damn painful sore throat. I still can't focus my eye sight well. Typing this looks like a blur to me. Anyways i think I should be fine. Took my medicine.

Dear I'm taking care of myself. Don't cry when you read this when you come back. I'm fine.

Took a very long rest. Told my Art Dir. last night I got fever. So I guess I can report to office late today. Anyways I'm already late if I have to report. Got to head to army market to change my baton for the prop. Hopefully it's open. I really miss you dear. I feel empty but I pray to God whenever I feel empty.

Hopefully I will be well enough to make it through the shoot tomorrow. If not I need a break.

Got this webby off Newpaper On Sunday. Anyways check out the Ship Of Fools by the Methodist Church. Its quite cool.

Need my fix... Staying away from sugar... I need sugar if not I go crazy. But Gf advice... diabetes. Ardunno... but it's for my own good. Drinking lots of water. Hope I get well enuff to make short trips around the island.

Also to a certain friend. I know you will keep it a secret. So I'm putting that amount of trust in you :) . Naggy though haha...

Was taking to Kelly about work yesterday. She damn enthu with work. So as a fren I told her, "It's no use working so hard yet neglect your health." So happen I kena fever lol... The taxi driver also agreed. But what to do... time is not on our side in this industry esp. when you have a diretor who is damn picky and don't have a proper budget for us to work with. So OT lor... Like what Hui Hui said. You buy, borrow, steal to get the props/clothes. I almost tried to steal a couple of tree rods until I found a dealer.

Anyways... 5 more days. Till she comes back. I will wait and pray.

Have my keyboard with me... guitar's at office as a prop. Will miss it :( ... But then again... I can practice on my keys... might try a hand on electronica rock. See first.

Listening to... English Summer Rain - Placebo

2004-05-24T21:41:00.000+08:00

NG!

Ok. The low down on today. Found my flag pole. Damn long rod. Longer than your average car. Unless you drive a bus. Anyways super tiring day. Popped by school cos I was passing by getting my props. Said my hellos and byes there. Had a talk with Chin Boo. Seems like ITP is laying out my path. Producing and gaffer? Maybe not gaffer but camera. Must see first. Anyways sound confirm can do. Just need to constantly update myself on equipment.

Headed back office only to leave soon after that. Headed down to Army Market. Knn closed for washing. Can't change my baton. Kaoz... Anyways headed to Kallang to get a prop from sec. sch friend. Catch up time too. Looking at my secondary school days... hai... nostalgic :_)...

Headed back to office around 5:30pm. Did some labour and showed some paperwork here and there.

Quite a bland day to say the least. Something is missing in my life like that. Dear come back soon! I love you!

Listening to... Lonely As You - Foo Fighters

2004-05-23T19:11:00.000+08:00

Turn to your right and say something to that fella

Today was super emo day. At church. Super singlish preacher talking about Matthew 5:8 - Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. When I think about it. Is my heart pure? Being in this industry. It's hard. Like what Marcus told me. He would have died if not for crusade. But I'm different. Crusade isn't for me. So I left. Anyways it's some food for thought. Talked to Adrian about it after the service. Quite a nice chat.

Went walk walk with GF after the service around Clarke Quay Flea Market. Real enjoyable time.

Dear, I'm proud of you. For taking the step out, to choose to be cleansed by the Holy Spirit. I'm really proud of you for doing so even if you tell me you always take the step out in such cases. My prayer for you is that you continue to mature in Christ as we progress in the relationship. And that you learn thru Him and not thru me, for my wisdom is limited. His wisdom is limitless. Amen.
I will miss you. I will wait for you. I will pray for you. I will cherish you. Don't cry.
When the time is right. We shall go there together.

Did some work today. Anyways will be taking a rest soon. Too tired for the day. Must rest. Made new friends today and strengthened friendships. Haha... I guess I will have fun settling down in this church.

Amen! Today is a good day. I'm very happy with you honey. Thank God for you. Thank you for bringing God back to me. Thank you for your church, your pastor, your love to me. I love you so very much!

Listening to... Top Of The World - The Carpenters

2004-05-22T22:26:00.000+08:00

Purr...

Had a great day today! Went to office to do a photoshoot. But turns out that the actress had no make up. So can't shoot. Had to postpone it to a later date. Argh... had to serve tea to Gerald and Huo Ren for their rehearsal with the respective actors. Low life at work.

Anyways rushed down to meet gf at bishan for Shrek 2. Spent some time walking around before watching the show. Won a free coke. Gf not too happy (I think, cos that I collected it). Anyways I managed to finish the damn large coke we were supposed to share.

Shrek 2 is a must watch! Damn funny! Laugh and laugh. Puss In Boots is such a cute character! Donkey is still ass annoying. Still lame but that what makes the whole Shrek franchise profit earning. Too funny to reveal anything. HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!
GO WATCH!

Anyways we went shopping after the show. Didn't shop much though. Nothing nice to see anyway. See see look look lor. Hehe...

After that we headed to my home for dinner. No ones around so we had to do our own dinner. Watched Shrek and had a great laugh over the whole show.

Saw a kitten by the road. So poor thing. Brought it home but I can't keep it even though I really like it.
:( Almost cried when it coughs so hard. So poor thing... it keeps coughing... like Puss In Boots when he coughs out the fur ball. Poor kitty. It can't even walk. I'm really helpless looking at it... all I can do is try to feed it some milk. Dear, think I'll name her Coughie as in co~ff~ee. Keeps coughing anyways. Must show respect to the elders back in school.

I hear this from someone in my church. I can't remember. Or maybe I read it up somewhere. It's about freeing the black slaves.

A colonel asked Abraham Lincoln this, "God is on our side Sir."
To which Lincoln replied, "I'm not worried about that colonel. What I'm worried is that are we on God's side?"

Dear, thats what I want to tell you. Hope you put some though about it k? :) I so love you!! *muacks*

Even with yesterday... I'm sorry for everything. The tears we both shed for each other... I so love you... :')

Sang this song to you while you were asleep in my arms...

Hush my love don't you cry...
Everything will be alright...
Close your eyes and drift in dream...
Rest in peaceful sleep.

If there's one thing I hope I showed you
Hope I showed you...

Just give love to all.

Title's the one I'm listening to.

Listening to... Lullaby - Creed

2004-05-21T15:55:00.000+08:00

Breeze！

Typing this in office! Yay! Shows how much free time I have. Should have been out searching for props but most of the staff are out. So I have to stay to jargar the office.

Going to leave soon. Once Hui Hui comes back. I'll leave.

Tried some funky production tools. Tennis balls as stand guards. Etc... anyways...
Stoning in office. Whole day 93.3FM I will go crazy. Changed the station to 98.7FM. At least it's english and the songs aren't always repeating or sound the same to me compared to 93.3FM. Chinese songs need some rock. Always pop also not good. Mayday! Heard that there is a new chinese rock group. Think it's F.L.Y. Or is their album named that? Whatever. Must find the time to listen. Then again... maybe not.

Read Turn Left Turn Right today in office. Wah... damn nice. Think I'll buy it. But it cost a frickin $13!!! See first. Can use for a long overdue present. But must get the english version. Must see first... hmm....

Anyways KNN! Gerald! He wants a 4.5m long flag pole. How am I supposed to find such a long pole. Grr... damn unreasonable. Also cut my fingers fixing the tennis balls. Now this flag pole! Grr... angry.

Ok lah enough bitching. Got to leave office soon. Meeting GF.

Listening to... Radio 98.7FM. Dunno what song...

2004-05-20T21:04:00.000+08:00

Amen!

Today was one of the siong/best days ever in itp. Went down to Saf Military Institute. Even though it was damn tiring but it was damn fun. Worked as gaffer for shoot. Didn't really complain cos it's more relax than Heartlanders 3 and in fact I was always ahead. Guess I just need for stamina to help me run here and there. And plasters. Got a few cuts. Not too deep but painful to feel it hurting throughout the day.

Dunno what the hell is wrong with me. Woke up today and banged my shoulder straight into the door. Cursing and swearing. Had to work with a bad shoulder, plus all the injuries as mentioned above. Did camera assist/gaffer/grip today. Kaos... damn tiring. Wish I could go to sound or camera.

Gerald and Huo Ren are quite fun to work with although they only speak to each other in cantonese. Not that I mind, I do understand cantonese but I can't really speak. Anyways headed down to Huo Ren's church. Wah... real big sanctuary. Quite nice. But then again I left my former church cos it's too big. Anyways it's preference. Had beef noodles and talked about specialist project with Hui Hui. She got an A for paperwork! Guess I'll be learning a lot from her as a producer and production manager. Got anything just ask. But don't affect work.

Equipment driver's name is Ah Liang. Reminds me for Super Sunday!

Knn... did chromakey for Gerald, and challenged him for lighting setup. You all know who won. Anyways still learnt quite a lot from him. Keeping the chromakey blue sheet of paper, might never know when it proves useful. Also got chromakey blue spray paint. Thanks Bala for all the help! Now I can do chromakeys!! Can apply in Specialist though need a CG fella to help.

I think I'm free liao! All I have to do is to contact Meredith, who is Kelly's head, for her bf cos Gerald wants some special tools on the light stands to keep the floor in One Piece! Gerald has the entire set of One Piece! I secretly read them while alone in the props room. Muhahahahah!!

Dunno why today go toilet so many times. Must be breakfast. Anyways got a book to read.
Dear I think you really should read this book. It helps though you might complain. I'll give it to you if you want it. Really helps. Christian book.

I thank God for such a company. Must really get to know Huo Ren and Gerald more. Both of them damn oppressive looking. Scares the shit out of most of the wardrobe dept, art dept and AD.

Poly(Polyfoam) are my best friends in production! Those who have been through a professional shoot u will know. Those who haven't, go figure.

Went jogging after work. New objective in life. Jog after work and prepare for army. Must remember to tick yes for attempted suicide question like what Marcus did. Then can relax.

Revelations 1:8 - "I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending," saith the Lord, "which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.

Don't be afraid of the monsters. Sleep knowing God is always with you dear! He is able to provide so much more for you than all I can ever give. I'll be praying for you. Luv ya...

Gf's at chalet so I guess I'll be calling her around 10. Must save her hp bill.

Listening to ... All My Life - Foo Fighters

2004-05-19T22:56:00.000+08:00

Action!

Today was chromakey day. Spent the whole day in air con room. Did logging, gaffer and props the whole day. Learnt how to do TCS logging. Super cheem or rather lame. Anyways I think the shoot went well except that it was quite slow. So peeps nvm that you are slow. TCS also!

Did a lot of work! Damn tired can't recall.
Anyways did some camera work. Oh! Camera dropped today. Gerald (Director) pushed the dolly too hard and the camera toppled off the makeshift stand. Damn exciting moment. Poor Panasonic cam... oh ya TCS dun use our Sony NP1B batteries. They customise their monitors to suit their Panasonic cams. It's exactly the same cam as our supercam but different battery and uses a different tape format. It's DV. Not MiniDV but DV. And the tape lasts only 30mins. Then again is our supercam by Sony?

Quote from my gf,

It's a Sony.

She hates Sony I dunno y. Haha... I'm fine with that though I have quite a number of items by Sony.

Today is quite a blur. I can't really remember quite a lot of things.
Oh! My precious spray paints vanguard sheets are all torn off. Stupid dancers dance so power. Tore them off. But at least everyone was happy with it. So I guess I get to keep my job! :)
The weddings photos in the bridal studio are really pretty. Some of the shots are really beautiful, compo, subjects, and the like.

Anyways must try to spend time with my gf. But cos of my job. Argh... sian. Must tell Hui Hui (R.O.) to let me off early for some days cos I OT like crazy this week. It's not that I don't wanna spend time with her, but I really can't make time cos of work. Plus the stereotypical view of using guys as slaves. But then Zhu Huo Ren isn't too bad lah. Still quite ok. As long as the job is done he's happy. Just do it!

Was thinking about a lot of things on my way home. Dear I told them to you. So think about it. :) Luv ya...

Ok Time to sleep tml got more shoot!

Listening to... Well It's True That We Love One Another - The White Stripes

2004-05-19T09:57:00.000+08:00

Whoo Hoo!

I think today will be great day. Got shoot to do. Working as gaffer. Almost at the bottom of the production hierarchy. But it's ok. Gonna do some chromakey today. First time. Quite excited. Haven't really recovered from the vapour fumes. Still feel a bit high.

Dear,
I'm sorry for yesterday and thank you for telling me more about you. You are never a burden to me. I don't want you to think that. We can argue about certain things but we must always remember not to let the argument affect the both of us. It's hard. A lot of things can be said in the argument that hurt both of us. But we must look at it in a positive way. I don't need to meet you all the time. You are always in my mind... I also don't want to disappoint you... Work is work. I can manage it. Thank you for understanding. I'm so silly over all these things. It's a process, I'll learn. Let this love bloom into a beautiful 1. I love you...

Gotta to go for work! Cya all!

Listening to... Song 2 - Blur

2004-05-18T20:41:00.000+08:00

Work!

Today went off quite fun unexpectedly. Was expecting to be trashed. Anyways the low down... brought down my fan to simulate the wind blowing for the flag. Must say it was the easist experiment ever. The nail clipper 1 was harder... spent quite a lot of time on it. Anyway luckily the method got approved so I had to rush down Bras Basah to buy spray paint. Those ppl at art friend don't know shit about chromakey Blue... wasted my time walking around and asking them.

Saw a lot of caterpillars/centipedes on my way to Sohpia road! A passerby even asked me why are there so many of those critters... What can I reply?! I'm not supernatural or what! Anyways took a short video clip of 1 of them. Just looking at their legs really fascinates me. But poor things... so many of them all kena crushed by ppl walking by. :(

Headed down to FEG, yes FEG to try to buy chromakey blue. Bala is sellinga at 180 per 5l tin. I almost fainted... I only need to paint 2 platforms!! whats the use of 5 litres!? Left FEG and headed back to art friend to buy a sample can... went back to FEG and Bala approved it was damn close to chromakey Blue. Yay! FEG rules... equipment and personality of the staff there. Bala thanks a lot!!

Did a paint job which is according to my job scope a props assistant. My job is provide paint job. Ok whatever... lame. Job...boobjob... oh ya! watched 15mins of Nip/Tuck yesterday and couldn't be bothered to watch anymore. Work is all piling up. Super stress...

Went high on vapour from the spray cans... had to take a break. Hui Hui came back with some of MediaCorp eqiupment. Looks worse than Cage's but machiam damn rugged. Dolly track I think had a little rust on it... (if only I could take a better look under the poor lighting)

Anyways we are using a camera that looks like the supercam. But it's by panasonic and uses DVCPRO format (MiniDV or slightly bigger tape). Had deja vu... i think i dreamt something that happened during work today a few nights back. Strange... what on earth is going on...

Anyways all my props are prepped up... tml get to wake up later so I guess I'll be taking a good rest. Dear... just wanna tell you... you'll never walk alone... and I'm so sorry for not making out time for you tomorrow for Troy. I hope you understand it's work... I also dun wanna give you false hope or what... I'm sorry... :( Pray to God for me...

Site deco still not done... pls wait.

Listening to... Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

2004-05-17T21:42:00.000+08:00

Items can be be bought again, you can't.

Today is a damn crap day. Super stressful. Amidst all the rushing and working, I actually forgot to bring back the tool box to office and left it in the bridal shop. Argh... kena lectured by art director. Must focus on the job... too stressed liao.

Stress is catching up... argh... dam forgetful and tired. It's not the physical tiredness but mental. I dunno why but maybe I either need a holiday or stop thinking about work or whatever! Somehow the S P E C I A L I S T word keeps creeping up on me.

Temptation caught up also. Argh... it's so hard to fight it. I'm sorry dear... really. When I was on the bus back I was listening to Slower - Mineral on the bus and somehow got real emo when I thought of the time spent just before we left. Argh... I guess it's just stress... I'm scared yet I dunno what to do... God help me and dun contradict myself. I'm not angry dear on what you did today to my stuff... it can be bought again. You can't. There's not value on you... priceless. I don't want to lose you. I love you...

I had better start praying and concentrate on my work.

Listening to... Slower - Mineral

2004-05-16T22:45:00.000+08:00

Hallelujah

Thank God for such a day. So many ups and down and yet able to end it on a happy note. I'm sorry dear... for the anti social attitude after the service. I was very afraid that I might end up being the outcast and feel marginalised. But thank God everything was alright. I suddenly felt welcomed, belonged. I think it's where I should stay for the time being and see where my destiny is. Today's message is also quite meaningful. Maybe it's because I haven't been back to the church circuit for a long time, but if you think it's dry maybe do pray about it. Probably becos you been there for too long or maybe it's erm... ardunno... but don't think like that... cos ur pastor is trying so hard, quite action orientated message. Lol... but still thanks to you. Luv ya. muacks!

Anyways must thank Wenlong and Adrian(Nv spell wrong!) also they both played a part in helping me integrate into the church. At least I know quite a number of ppl! Yay! Next week!
but then again you leaving for Japan... Feel a bit scared... Please God!! Bless her with a safe journey to and fro!! Thats all I ask!! Amen!

Had specialist meeting today. Whahhaha talk cock session. Problem with a all guy crew. Had a super long time coming up with a production name. 12 inches long, Nucking Fut, Schlepper, 6C, etc... Rite...lame huh. But anyways we settled on Burning Bush Productions. Somehow it provokes sexual, political and religious subtexts. Ahem... lol

After the meeting played pool with Chua and Khalif. Damn funny session, matrix balls, jinxed pockets, white ball going in most of the times. But it's a fun session and got to know them better. The group is quite powerful. It's just that we are all working with eahc other for the first time so it's also dangerous. But what fun is it if it's not dangerous? Hopefully we will accomodate to each other and bring out each other's best. Thats what all about.

Think thats all been super tired. Oh ya about yesterday... it's a fine wedding, Yi Wei is so pretty in her wedding gown, Zhi Hui too. So emo when they both thank their parents openly. Ppl around me cried... it's really a very beautiful event. Caught up with lots of friends. Anyways still Thank God for what happened later in the day... got caught in the rain rushing home... saw the most frightening and beautiful streak of lightning ever! Luckily nv kena struck... sure chao ta 1... black... crispy... er...lol!

Oh ya sorry Elwin, for just leaving gunbound like that. It was really a bad time... i felt quite sick playing it at that time... not you or anything... just felt sick and it's not helping me feel better. So anyhow shoot and kena whack...

Anyways thank God for having a girlfriend who is so understanding... even though sometimes she say she's not... but then I'm sure we can tolerate each other.
Remember 1 John 4:7 - Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.

I'm sorry for everything... and I love you.

Still can't figure out HTML... so deco will have to wait... about to get a photo album online! Wait guys! Patience.

Listening to...Higher - Creed

2004-05-15T00:02:00.000+08:00

Kill them!

Watched Elephant today! Super arty farty but realy nice. Sometimes you think about ur own youth days. Maybe some of you are over the limit, some are still in it. But it's still food for thought. Life isn't a game. There are no restarts, reset, cheats whatsoever. There are ppl who remain depressed over 1 frickin girl and moan about someone in USA, there are ppl who are happy over their work cutting and putting pictures together. But are we truly happy? Are you alive? What if all that you believe is nothing at the end? And that there is a God who will judge you? What if there isn't a God you might counter? What about those ppl whom we ridicule, bully, make fun of. They can bite back if cornered to a wall. Somehow thats what I felt for Alex in Elephant. He's the kid who is bullied by his classmates, in revenge, he plots to kill them. Maybe he was also under the influence of violent games, but thats the reality. It has already happened even those the story is fiction. Are we (the students) to blame? Is society to blame? Are the parents to blame? The blame games gets pushed here and there. If there is one thing out of specialist over this I realised that nothing is important. Whats important is to maintain the friendship. FSV students are forced to make nasty decisions over one another's future portfolio. I think thats bad enuff but it's reality. If we can't differentiate reality from fantasy, the results are horrifying. Elephant is one such example. I felt that both Alex and Eric treated the killings as games, think Counter-Strike. Singapore has no guns, but think about it... what if we had? The power of thought provokes us to imagine the impossible. Thats what makes film. We as filmmakers dare to dream the impossible and to create that

Ok I think I'm just blabbering. haha!! :P

Temptation...

I have been tempted... forgive me... but then again... God knows best what to do with the both of us... I am very happy being with you even though there are areas which still must be worked on. You know what my temptations are dear... Thank you for being so understanding. You know my family situation... thats why I have to work so hard. Thank you for even not wanting to spend my money even when I wanted to.

Jesus can resist tempation for 40days and nights against Satan... I must try to do the same and resist. The whole of Luke 4:1-13 shows the strength of Christ against Satan's. We both must learn from His example.

James 1:2-4 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing

I want nothing out of this relationship but for you to be happy. God will lead us best.
Dear... if there is a song that truly says what I've been going through... it will be Coldplay's Green Eyes.
The lyrics really strike a chord with my whole experience.

You're the one that I wanted to find... And anyone who tried to deny you must be out of their mind.

Your past I don't care. God doesn't anyway! :)

I'm 3 years old now as a Christian! As I reflect what I went thru... it's really heartbreaking and nostalgic at times... The broken heart, the anger, the frustrations... You're the light at the end of all these... I can never thank God enough for you!
I'll try my best to maintain this relationship! God will lead us through. All the gossips, all the obstacles, etc. With God all things are possible! Amen!!! *mucks*

Listening to... Green Eyes - Coldplay

2004-05-13T22:21:00.000+08:00

Props!

Was in office in the early part of the day checking out props. It's quite amazing how much props we used internally and not get from outside ppl. My director, Gerald has the complete set of One Piece!! Spent most of my time reading it. Really liked it on comic even though I only watch it from time to time on TV. Soon later went out to source for mi props. Yes I got no life... everyday go out find props. Lydia came over to do some recording later in the evening. Hopefully my keyboard does its job.

Thank you...

I just felt the need to say this. Dear... ever since I met you, everything been good. Spiritually, I begin to regain my footing, life seems meaningful. I really thank God for you. No matter your past, God still accepts us. I will do the same. Dear, I won't let you down, I won't let your heart be dry and brittle after me... If reel life is so amazing, why can't real life be the same or even better? I will continue to pray for you, Luke 4:4 - And Jesus answered him, saying, "It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God." Indeed, we should not live on bread, but only on God's word. Whether you are tempted or not, pray and believe in God. I will do the same...

Intimacy is a gift by God. Let it be pure... I love you...

Listening to... Thank You For Loving Me - Bon Jovi

2004-05-12T20:26:00.000+08:00

Alive!

Everyday is a new day! Spent most of the day outside walking around bugis area to source for my props. Spent the early part of the day playing gunbound with elwin. Read on his blog that he's having a bad patch with his girl. Hope everything's ok.

Was on my 2 feet for almost the whole day. Walked from Bras Basah to Esplanade and then to Funan. Having severe headache now... must be starvation. Thanks dear for calling me... really made my day... even though I was real tired.

I got the stupid bell! Now I'm playing it like Mr Bean! Grr... take that you stupid frickin bell!

I slept on the bus. It's been a long time since I've done that! Anyways slept all the way from Orchard to back home. Luckily I woke up in time to alight!

Was thinking about what I was talking about to my dear 2 nights ago. When I grad and go to work, I still wish to serve God although I'll be real busy with the secular stuff. But if I were to take Mel Gibson as an example, even what I learnt will be applicable when I work. I don't accept the catholics but Mel Gibson is one who puts Jesus in the front seat. If not, his film will be called The Passion of Mary!

I'm always there for you... a phone call, sms... Singapore is so small, i can make the trip down to meet you. Don't be impatient, with your relationship with ur friends. Dear, I read this while I was at Trumpet Praise. Saw this on the wooden keychain name tag with ur name on it - Psalm 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

I can't recall whether is it the right verse. But maybe you can reflect on it... Wait. Thats all. Whether you are being used, treated badly, wait. For God will comfort you. I'll be around too to comfort you.

Played quite a good deal of games even though I'm supposed to work! But then again... most of the props have to brought in by the rest of the office crew so actually I'm quite slack, no idea why I'm so tired though... maybe it's too much travelling.

Anyways, looking forward to saturday. Catch up time with my old friends of all places at a wedding! Wonder when will be mine? Hehehe.... argh headache!!

Listening to... Alive - P.O.D.

2004-05-11T20:24:00.000+08:00

Burp!

Just finished dinner! Anyways today is real... ardunno... ran here and there. Manages to squeeze some time watching Amelie. Was real emo at the Dominque Bretodeau part. Sometime as kids time drags but then all of a sudden, hey you're 50! I'm already reaching my 1/4 mark... (assuming I live till 80). When I think back... will I even have a box to share my youth with my kids, wife, etc... I mustn't be boxed in by my own insecurities, but to voice them out. The times we spent yesterday, even days ago are so very precious.

If you are able to spend time looking at someone dear without any impure thought whatsoever and still come out of it feeling like you both just had the best conversation ever... that is love... Although time to time I have to keep assuring you over a certain matter, but still I will stay by you. I won't be angry, I won't be... I just want you to understand and be happy.

Spent 2 hours in office, tried to fax the documents over to Swee Lee and Chinese Calligraphy respectively but then it seems like they couldn't receive it. Anyways emailed Swee Lee (their email should be working!). Plan to go down Chinese Calli. tomorrow. Gonna miss my guitar... it's gonna be casted as a prop for my ITP production. CH 8! Will miss it...

Bought Kill Bill Vol. 1 soundtrack for her. Maybe I'll listen to it first. Or ask permission first.

There this annoying Minah who asked me whether am I finally happy now that I'm attached. I told her to go into a relationship to find out herself. She never wants to take the first step and yet keeps complaining. Stupid... lol. Adli's attached so that leaves Zaaki for you! muhahahhahaha!!

Rite... kinda of grateful that I got this company for ITP. Really enjoy it. Anyways thanks girl! for helping me find that bell, whether you found it or not. Its the thought that counts. Gotta do some paperwork!

Listening to... Special Needs - Placebo

2004-05-11T12:21:00.000+08:00

YAWN...

Woke up at 11 today. Thank God work starts at 2pm. Would have been super late if it wasn't so. Just realised that I'm no longer a chick on Gunbound! Anyways it's quite a fun game... just be careful of the ppl in there.

Ok today when I enter office, I'm gonna get my art director and we will FAX ALL the relevant documents to the relevant people. Hopefully they will reply back in time. Please SWEE LEE AND CHINESE CALLIGRAPHY! Don't take ur own sweet time! Free advertising! Oh! Of all people... I met my brother at home today. Didn't really expect him to be here... thought he was back in punggol sleeping or what. Hungry... there's nothing to eat at home. Have to waste money and go out to buy lunch. Argh... Think thats all... have to start prayers... etc... prepare for the day... or whats left of the day. Think i'll enjoy a dvd while having my lunch. Should be about that. Have no idea why i'm so tired... maybe its the weather. Joanne... the horror stretch looms. 4 days left. Prepare to join the legions of darkness! muhahahahahah!!

Those with defeat on their faces are those that we must keep alive!

Listening to... The Moon Is Down - Further Seems Forever

2004-05-10T23:57:00.000+08:00

Huff Puff

Lots of running today. Woke up at 9am to go for work. Isn't it nice to know that you can actually wake up late and still make it for work IN TIME at 930 and early. Ah... the joy of getting an attachment office 10mins walk away from home. Muahahhahaha!!!

Spent the day in office having meeting. Must say it was a fruitful time though the discussion between art dept and director was SUPER DRY. I almost fell asleep under the all seeing eye of my RO --> Hui Hui - FSV Grad. Jenn's batch (Just know one!) Anyways... left office early to continue my search for props. I sometime picture it with a map and dotted lines running across it as I move from place to place looking for props, and where can you find a stupid bell! Like the 1 in FSV office at 8th floor! Had duck rice before leaving office... and it had the spiciest chilli ever know to mankind... I think it brunt mi lungs... and throat... and tongue... and... whatever.

Went over to Bras Basah to check out the props. Walk and walk and walk. Damn tired. Popped by mi old sec sch fren's home. Wah lau! It seems like he got fatter in the Navy! Anyways spent some time talking and catching up before heading straight down to the Chinese Calligraphy Association of Singapore. Had a horrid time trying to intro myself in chinese but still made it. Phew. Thank God that Swee Lee and them are open to the idea and not reject me straight away. It's free advertising! All we need are your services and your products even appear on TV! So... be excited... be... be... excited!

Okay crap. Went down to Funan to look for that stupid BELL! Wasted my time there. Anwyays headed down to Al Ameen to meet up with my girl and her friends along with Jenn. Felt pretty bad that Jenn commented that my poor mandarin is due to the fact that I missed church for so long. Really felt ashamed that I did it... start thinking of getting back church! Headed down to his jamming session for a while to check it out. So cool... the guitarist had all his pedals in a box... machiam Matrix like that. So cool! I want the pedals... and some of those pedals even have their own light show! It felt so cool being in a band... playing music together... be it soft or loud... feels even better when the whole band is playing for God... I miss that feel that... i can't describe it. Used to play with Marcus, Jia Jun, etc for worship in Crusade and that feeling is really kinda of nostalgic. Miss being able to play in a band... no matter how simple the music is... Feel like jamming to The White Stripes after I finish this entry!

After that head over to her place... think it was the best time we had together. Spent the whole time talking and sharing. Keep it pure dear! Together lets run the race! Also had fun playing with the kitty at the entrance. So fat... and her name's bruce lee. Strange eh... but thats what the security guard said. Very fat though. I mean the cat. Thank God for the time we spent. Even though I'm busy with ITP but still we both are able to meet and spend time together. Dun fall into temptation! Prayer is what breaks down all barriers! Must pray!

Think thats all... outburst of words!

Oh my baby...

Listening to... Tender - Blur

2004-05-09T23:09:00.000+08:00

Sound Check!

Well... back from the chill out session with Ling, Saj, Huiya and Valz... Must say I'm the only guy and yr 2 there so felt a bit left out... gosh... the place was good, though except the toilet was hard to find and it allowed smoking in air con area. Still trying to work on the blog deco. Seems like I'm really stone age in terms of HTML even though some ah bengs ah sengs ah lians ah mas say I damn high tech.
I techky also no use...
Had a real fun time with the 4 gals... some truths were revealed and I hope the other 3 will keep their silence until both of us agree.
Have a real headache... Makaning too... i guess today was quite a day... learnt quite a lot but still I have lots of questions to answer and things to learn. I hope she'll tolerate me and continue to pray as we progress.
Saw a couple of mi frens' blogs. OMG! They are so much prettier than mine! But 1 really gave me some thought... he seems so depressed and he sometimes doesn't really want to share about it... I guess I can only do so much for him. But anyways... it's been a week! ITP! Hopefully tml will be fun ... doing some paint job... sorry girl... i can't get u down... sorry! I'll take photos of the actor for u!

Think thats all... pardon for the outbrust of garblar singlish... oh ya! there's this annoying Minah who goes... realllyyyyyyyyyyy on my msn!!! lol!!!

Listening to... Your Love Means Everything Part 2 - Faultline

2004-05-09T14:52:00.000+08:00

A New Chapter...

Real tired today... received a call at all time 3am in the morning. I thot it was my morning call for 7am and for a while I really thot so.

Went to Valz's church. Strangely though met up with so many ppl whom I know. Adrian, Wen Long, Eliza, Christina... Worship was good... though it's been a very long time since I got back into church. How Great Thou Art really broke me down... I guess cos it's one of my fav. and especially in context to my current walk with God... hai... things have to change. I miss playing for worship... then again... my musical abilities seems to have rotted away... Keyboards still having trouble with lefty... guitars... think i can only play nirvana... Bass? forget about it... Seems like 1 yr ago i was the church bassist... Hai... or is it just lack of practice?

The message was good. Songs of Solomon Chapter 2:10-13. I guess my winter has passed and spring is beginning for me. Thank God for the new chapter in my life. Or is it? Time will tell. I'm still deciding over churches. Zhi hui and Yi Wei both are finally tying the knot. I guess I should go back Foo Chow for their wedding at least and catch up with some friends over there. Maybe I should give Jenn's church a try first... lets see.

Maybe I shld bring her along? But thats her choice. Better start praying...

I dunno why but lately I've been listening to just Coldplay only... There's one line in The Scientist... Nobody said it was easy...
That really impacts me in relation to my relationship... it's not easy but let's continue to seek God as we progress on.

And whats with Mantis Sex, Joanne? U enjoy looking at insects erm... whatever. YOU are weird... which reminds me of someone who likes Harry Potter... or the one who likes Star Wars. *Shivers*

Listening to... Yellow - Coldplay

2004-05-08T23:24:00.000+08:00

Yawn...

Been trying to deco the blog up... Seems like I really need to brush up on HTML. My dreamweaver skills sucks! Played Gunbound for a while... try downloading it if you dunno what it is.

anyways... it's been a long day. Gonna grab a bite before going to bed... and waking up early... Nity

Listening to... About A Girl - Nirvana

2004-05-08T20:47:00.000+08:00

Wah Lau!

Today was killer! Spent most of the day on my feet. Walk here walk there. Okay the low down. Morning, went to aunt's place for jackpot collection. Earned a hearty $30 for 15mins of work. Was even late for work due to traffic! Then went down to Lavender to meet Kelly to buy the props and costume for attachment. Spent close to hmm... 2 hours? Basically whatever army stuff you can name, we probably have bought it. After that we went to bugis to wait for art director Diana whom was late... But anyways we spent close to an hour discussing the props list and the opening sequence. Heard that Kelly was actually asked to be part of the cast really makes me laugh! Anyways strangely both of us can actually talk quite a bit. But whatever. I might be overly protective with my own relationship and my dear maybe be confused but I believe it's a learning process that we both must go through.
Anyways... after that went home and actually FORGOT to collect the calligraphy writings! Went over to the uncle's place to collect it at 8. Tiring day...

Listening to... the heated arguement between my brother and aunt

2004-05-08T00:34:00.000+08:00

Finished Homework!

Just finished what I needed to complete by the week. Work is so... I dunno what to say. Sometimes I find it boring yet it's fun in a sense. I guess thats the duality of working in an industry you like. Borrowed 4 titles from Esplanade library. The Matrix, Enter The Dragon, Reptilian and Jesus Christ Superstar. Wonder what was I thinking when I borrowed Reptilian, it's like your best cure for insomnia. It's too bad to even watch for a no brainer show if I were to compare to Van Helsing. At least Van Helsing has good CG. Reptilian? Forget about it... Gotta watch the others soon!

What time will you reach home? I''ll wait for you... (",)

2004-05-07T22:05:00.000+08:00

Whoo Hoo!

About to start blogging and since I'm bored... here I am!!! So let the writing begin...
Write, rewrite, write, rewrite... thats the whole process....
Will take me a while before I put up more stuff so hang in guys!!

Work work...